Thoughtfulness, I don’t think I have ever read a post about this subject. What does it mean to you within the lifestyle? What does it mean for your partner?
Thoughtfulness is simply – thoughtful and considered attention, careful deliberation before action.
As a normal person with a wonderful partner, I try to do things I know he really likes, such as cooking a favoured meal or allowing him time to sort through his own problems. Or leaving space for his many hobbies. We made up our minds pretty close to the beginning of our relationship to not fight over silly things or even the big things. We are both people that do not like angry confrontation. You can’t sort anything out while you are yelling at each other. We have an agreement that, if we get angry, we walk away so we can settle down, then after our anger has calmed down we get back together to quietly talk about the thing that was bothering us. That is thoughtfulness. We do still have flare ups like everyone else, so we are not this perfect couple. It is how we deal with it, that is the thoughtfulness.
It is when you know your partner dislikes certain things and you try hard to avoid them. Taking care of your partner when they are ill, going that extra yard just because you love them. I don’t do that as a submissive, I do it because I love him. That is thoughtfulness.
Now we get to the BDSM part of the equation. In my relationship with my darling S. I can instigate sex. I will still enter the scene as a submissive so I don’t lose that part of me, but I have my ways to instigate. My darling S. sometimes loves me to do that and it is a thoughtfulness because it helps take the pressure off him. Also let’s face the fact, if you’re a needy little sub, it does turn on the Dominant/Domme/Master. I wear the clothes he loves, perfume just because he loves it. I don’t wear really high heels because he is not fond of them. He adores garter belts so I have collected a few to wear. It is the small things that matter and they don’t go unnoticed.
If I could say one thing here that is important to know, it would be that your Dominant/Domme/Master isn’t this all seeing all knowing paragon that never get’s tired or stressed. They can’t do it 24/7 without some sort of respite. They are real men/women with all the stresses and problems of real life.
Submissives/slaves are the same. We get grumpy, get PMS, and we can be moody. We have times when the last thing we want is a scene. It is at this time thoughtfulness comes in a great deal.
Thoughtfulness is like the blood in your veins, it ebbs and flows like waves in the ocean. When you think of your partner, kindness begets kindness and love begets love.
Thoughtfulness comes from my darling S. when he makes me a surprise flogger or he just gives me a massage for no reason because I have been tied and he wants to make sure my limbs are not left sore. Thoughtfulness is the way he ties me up so he doesn’t put pressure on my sore joints. Thoughtfulness is knowing how I love to kneel to him so he makes me a little stool to perch on so my knees are not in agony. It is never leaving my side after a scene until I have come back to myself.
Everyday offers you a chance to show your partner a little thoughtfulness. It doesn’t cost a thing to do but it does speak volumes of your love for each other.
It has been my belief that if there is no thoughtfulness or loving gestures it breaks down the relationship. Thoughtfulness is the give and take and love is fed by good intentions. No Dominant/Domme/Master should never just take and a submissive/slave can’t just give. If that happens the relationship will wither as resentments grow.
Thoughtfulness doesn’t cost a thing but it is valuable.