Yes this is another post about a safe word but this was spoken completely outside of any scene. It is the first time in my life I had used one.
I have a problem with bull whips. I was severely beaten with one when young and the episode left an abject fear in me and a number of scars on my back. It was something that made my list of hard limits. So why was my darling S. making me a bull whip?
This is a real fear because it happened and has become somewhat of a phobia.
When I was shown the half made whip and proudly told it was a bull whip I went pale and backed away. Had he forgotten my list of limits? He said it was ok, it was just a whip and I could trust him with it. He was trying to convince me and in the end I said RED 10.
The look of shock on his face was stark. He put the whip down and led me out of his workroom. We went to sit down so we could talk. This was the first time I had ever mentioned a red10 and S. was shocked. I was crying and he just held me and then he said the magic words, ‘I’m sorry.’ then he said, ‘tell me about what happened.’
I explained that I was beaten savagely and was left hanging in my bindings. He knew I have the marks on my back but they never really been spoken about.
He waited until I settled a bit then he asked, ‘Have I ever hurt you like that?’
He never had.
Then he asked me, ‘Do you think I ever will?’
I knew he wouldn’t and that was when the sun shone in on the conversation. He could make any whip he wanted but he would never beat me to within an inch of my life. He also has a thing that means he will swing the whip on himself so he can know how badly they can hurt.
We sat together cuddling for the longest time. After a while I said, you can make the bull whip but it will be on my soft limits list.
That one incident made darling S. understand I will speak up if something is wrong. We both learned communication is the keystone to any relationship. It also showed darling S. we could adapt perfectly together.
He still hasn’t finished the bull whip.
I got this idea from Nijntje and the Bear blog
Please take the time to enjoy that post too.