Sex Bloggers for Mental Health. Prompt is Consent.

  • Alcohol Awareness
  • Stress Awareness
  • Child Abuse Prevention
  • Sexual Assault Awareness

⚠️The subject of sexual assault can be a trigger from some of us, if that is the case please do not continue reading. ⚠️

However, I do feel that we should talk about it if we can and to be supportive in the movement on social media by using their hashtag – #SAAM.

The greatest attack on my consent was when I was fourteen years old, and I was a tiny thing of under 5 foot. Even shorter than I am now. I was innocent and had no idea about sex. I was taken by four men, and they did things to me that I won’t talk about here because I feel it would distress the readers. I was also stabbed and left for dead. I crawled out, naked to the road and was lucky when an older couple stopped and picked me up. They wrapped me in a blanket and took me to hospital. I was then rushed to the capital city. A local country hospital was not equipped for it.
It was then my recovery began. It was also what triggered the worse symptoms of my Bipolar. I survived, I did more than survive I fought back. The biggest thing I was told was ‘as long as I was afraid, it was giving my attackers power over me.’ I wasn’t prepared to do that. I fought the fear for many, many years. I learned self defence and even how to fight dirty. I got back my strength and power too. I might be short but goodness help you if you try to do something to touch me without my consent.

I have one thing that still haunts me and that is my nightmares of the event. However, it doesn’t take me a week to get over them. There was a time I could not go to sleep without having them. Spare a thought for my poor darling S.. If I have a nightmare I fight in my bed, I bite and I punch. Thank goodness he knows a way to hold me so I can’t hurt him. Spooning is amazing and safe for him.

I have triggers still, seeing a Bowie knife, someone creeping up behind me trying to make me jump, (they will get more than they bargained for) or the smell of beery breath.

Please I am doing really well now and it is something I have drawn a line under so no comments of sympathy. I don’t want to seem rude by saying that but because it is no longer a part of me I would rather be seen as a whole person. I am in a wonderful place with my gorgeous, darling, S. If anyone has questions of my journey to health I am happy to answer them. Also if you want to know what steps to take after a physical attack like that.

When S. and I first got together everything was about consent, consent, consent. We discussed everything we did and consent must be given before anything happened.

Now we have something called fluid consent, because we know the things we have done previously and consent every time is not required. I still have a safe word if something goes a bit wrong. Having said that if we want to try something new we will talk about it and get consent. Actually asking for consent can be real fun. Darling S. will say ‘I am going to do this and this to your delectable body… are you ready?’ Of course I normally say ‘Mmmmm, let’s go.’, but I can say no if I don’t want to do it, or if don’t feel up to it.

Fluid consent can only work when you have been together a long while. You must be strict to begin with.

If a person get’s you up to their hotel room and do something without consent, they can’t say ‘well you came up to my room, that was consent.’  NO IT ISN’T!!!!

NO CONSENT IS RAPE.

 

kitten

7 Comments on “Consent

  1. WOW. My heart sunk when I read the first few sentences. Much respect & admiration for the journey you have taken to get you to where you are now. Amazing. You seem very self-aware and in a good place after experiencing that trauma. I like that idea of “fluid consent.” Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sassy thank you for your lovely comment. I think the hardest part of recovery is becoming self aware, to look at what happens to yourself now, that can be attributed back to the initial trauma. I think it is possible to move past the incident and become stronger than before. That was why I brought it to this blog. Consent in all it’s forms is essential within the lifestyle. Thank you for your comment Sassy I really do appreciate them. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  2. While my abuse was not on the level of violence you survived I understand the fears. I don’t refer to myself as a victim anymore.. they hold no power over me. I am a victor. They didn’t kill me, and while it took some time I am stronger. I am glad you were the victor as well!
    I have had people ask why after all I went through would I consider choosing to be submissive. Because there is a world of difference in the two and only if you have walked my shoes or your shoes, then learned about the lifestyle would you know the difference.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think what people lose sight of is that we are strong and we submit. Submission is never a weakness. It takes strength and courage. My darling S. and I are equals, I am free and I am strong it just so happens I gift my submission to a man I trust, respect and adore. To do that takes courage. A great number of people that are not in the lifestyle tend to think submission means to give away your power but they have no idea what they are talking about.
      twistedbubbles, I am so glad you have become strong as part of your recovery. Keep going girl, and thank you for your kind comment ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    • collaredmichael thank you for the kind words as they mean a lot to me from you. You always leave me nice comments but you are really faithful about it so thank you very much. I respect you and I realize the time you take to do this.

      I also think fluid consent really sort of happens when you love your partner and know them completely. There is always love, respect and trust and that is what breeds fluid consent like a rose in a flower bed. Lol yes as you can see I am a romantic. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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