The prompt for this weeks prompt is..
I could sit down here and tell you all about the importance of a safe word AND gesture, and yes you need both. Imagine if you will, you’re going down on your lover and well he has filled your mouth and perhaps throat but you are having trouble with it you have to have some sign to make him back up a little. What if you were wearing a gag, hard to say your safe word then as well. My gesture for a gag scene is I blink very quickly. It is something different if I can’t breathe during a head job. I keep my hand on S.’s thigh or any other part of his body. If I remove it he lets me breathe.
The safe word is a different thing. I once told My darling S. that I didn’t need a safe word and I said it several times but two years ago he sat me down and talked to me. You see we indulge in some heavy impact play. With my history I can cope with lots of it. When I said that to him he jumped on it instantly. He didn’t want me to cope with or endure it.
I didn’t protest I just sat and listened to him. He can tell if I have drifted into a stage of pain where I am no longer present in it. I think the best way to describe is as a kind of sub space but where the pain had become too much, I slip away. I have a luxury that he doesn’t have. I can completely let go in a scene. I can get lost in the sensations. Darling S. has to remain in the moment watching, taking care even in the most roughest play and he does an excellent job of it.
He asked me if I could feel that moment just before I slipped away and I said yes. He then said he needed me to have a safe word and use it if I feel myself going into the bad place. This has nothing to do with the wonderful sub space you all hear about, this is a place where I go when the pain is so great I just stop feeling it. It is hard to explain it but anyone that has been abused knows that place.
He then went on to talk to me about something he needed and that was to have a safe word and know I will use it. Then he could relax into his Domly role. It made sense to me and we quickly agreed on it. Now he knows if we do indulge in heavy impact play I will use that little word. My word is apple very non sexual because I do tend to try out words like no, please, stop, oh my.
I had never considered his side of the equation. He never wants to over shoot my limits and hurt me. If he did he would never go into a scene like that again. I could understand that he would hold back without the use of a sae word. Now he is free to be in the scene and enjoy every moment. He will still watch over me but he now has more freedom. It was such a little thing to do to help him and well worth talking about.
So Safe words aren’t always for the submissive’s protection.