This is the type of page I would have loved to read the first time I got into a BDSM relationship. Unfortunately there was nothing like this.

  1. Always take your time. Don’t simply have a list of what you want because what you dream is never the same as real life.
  2. Cultivate good communication. Nothing should be entered into without long sessions of talking.
  3. Never rush into having sex. A good Dom or Master will never rush you. They will want to get to know you first. They have their own thoughts they will want to share. My biggest advice here is listen too.
  4. Make sure you have back-up safety procedures in place when you first meet your prospective partner, meet in public, and let your friends know where you are going.
  5. If you decide it is time to have sex again take precautions and always take condoms. If a Dom or Master refuses …. leave. I had a certificate to say I was STD free for S. and he immediately offered to do the same.
  6. It is most important to set your safe words and gestures. If they say you won’t need them please walk away. I have known my partner for over ten years and we have safe words an gestures. He also has his safe words. Not because I would ever do anything to harm him but just in case I try to talk him to do something he doesn’t want to do. A gesture is needed for times you are gagged or can’t speak.
  7. Set your pain levels, and this will require you to try say a spanking and you call out how intense it is for you. You can used the medical pain levels 1 – 10 and you can also have a colour code, green for that is fine, yellow is ouch that stings and red the worse pain you have had and please stop. so you can say 10 red and it stops.
  8. Setting your limits. This is a list of hard limits, things you will never do and also soft limits which are things you aren’t completely ruling out but proceed with cautions.
  9. Contracts. I find them nice to have. It is like being engaged and you are signing something that says I give myself to you. You can both write it and both sign it. However if they try to tell you they can’t be broken and you can’t leave, that is complete crap. No court of law would uphold them and in fact they would frown upon it.
  10. Rules. S. and I have rules which I asked to have. They are not huge rules but more like I have to take care of myself medically and I have to keep the communications open with S. He likes me to not wear underwear but he will let me if it is for something special or if my outer clothing dictates I need them, like panties under tight jeans. I have these rules because they make me feel more submissive.
  11. You need to disclose any medical or mental illnesses you have and I mean everything. If you have sore joints new ways of bondage have to be found for you.
  12. The very last thing I want to say is you need to know who you are inside and out. You need to know what you enjoy and you need to know your insecurities. You need to be comfortable with yourself and your body. Yes a Dom or a Master can help you with that but in the end it is up to you to love your body and mind. Also you need to know all of your strengths. You should be strong, free and independent. That gives your submission more power and your partner will enjoy that. No one wants someone that is dependent or wishy washy. I am a warrior woman in life but completely submissive with my darling S.

This may seem complicated to you if you are brand new to this but please try to make sure you are safe. I was in a terrible relationship the first time around and I wish I had known this before I got into it.

Entering into a new BDSM thing can be one of the most joyous times if you know what you are doing. The things I suggested are simply what I learned the hard way. I don’t want anyone to go through that.

Be safe and enjoy.

kitten

11 Comments on “Things to watch out for in a new BDSM relationship

  1. I would add that if you do get into a relationship and it feels abusive or simply makes you miserable all the time, than trust your gut and leave. Life is too short to waste. 🙂 Good post, Kitten! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nijntje, Thank you for that it is very important to put here. Your gut reactions and if you are abused get out. These people starting a new relationship need to trust those kinds of things. Never let it slide because it will happen again. Thank you again Nijntje. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      • I’ve heard too many stories of submissives allowing things they shouldn’t because of pressure from others. Others telling them that they are just not ‘good enough’ to be a submissive if they don’t. That is a load of you know what … it’s important they know that. Sites like yours helps, we need more of them. 🙂 You’re very welcome, Kitten!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you collaredmichael. I try hard to make these sorts of post gender fluid and it does mean the same for everyone. I know of one male that was assaulted while meeting someone. It takes a lot of effort to come back from something like that. Thank you for your comment I really appreciate them ❤

    Liked by 1 person

      • collardmichael, you are such a sweet person and I am sorry you were hurt. Now you sound as if you are happy and I do sincerely hope that is true. You deserve to be happy and loved. ❤ ❤ ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • I am indeed happy. But as a male I refused to tell anyone when I met people. Too much pride. And I had a couple of really unpleasant experiences. Could have been really bad. So your words resonate with me. And the advice is excellent.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I think a little bit of that could be not pride, but your reluctance to appear ‘weak’ and show emotions. I think you are a really wonderful person despite those hurts. It sounds to me as if they were life lessons that serve you well now.

        Liked by 1 person

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