The prompt this week is At a Loss.

#F4TFriday

I guess this could apply to many things, death, uncertainty about something, or about losing something like a necklace.

I suffered a loss at a young age when my Master died of lung cancer. I don’t dwell on the details now but I was left with a small child and as a slave I lost all direction in my life.

I didn’t even begin looking for a guy for me for a long time and I had no real idea about who or what I was. I dedicated my life to bringing up my daughter and doing so alone.

A good friend of my husband swore to him that he would look after me and he took over the finances because I didn’t know what to make of them. He did try to explain what it was all about but in my grief filled mind I just waved him away. He was like a big brother to me. If I had a problem he would fix it. He always had been Uncle Jamie to my little one and he helped fill the hole left by her father.

He made sure I ate, that I took care of myself and that my diabetes was under control. I honestly don’t know if having him taking care of me was a good thing because it seemed to take forever for me to recover.

I had to fight the desire to want to join my husband. The only reason I didn’t was because of my daughter. As someone with Bipolar I was clinically depressed and had no energy. Way down low.

I became angry, which was worse than numb. I even cursed him, how could he leave me alone? They say there are five stages of grief.

  1. Denial & Isolation.
  2. Anger.
  3. Bargaining.
  4. Depression.
  5. Acceptance.

After two years everything seemed lighter but the grief was not gone. If you are suffering grief now. I can say that people say things because they care and things like ‘This will get better’ do not help. Or worse they avoid talking about the person completely and worse still they no longer wanted to visit.

What I have found to be true is that is the grief will ease but your memories will not. You won’t forget ever. With that comes memories about the good times too,

What happened next, after two years was I reached out to find someone to share my life with. I was so very lonely. This is the honest truth. I went on the computer for the first time and I went into a chat room for the first time and the very first man I spoke to was the man I am with now.

He didn’t want me to be his slave, I am his partner and I just happen to be submissive. He spent years trying to get me to stand on my feet. He succeeded in that. He did not want a slave that depended on him for everything. He wanted a woman that was strong and independent.

He helped me to throw off the shackles of my first relationship.

I am blissfully happy now and yes at the time it was extremely difficult but I have overcome all of that adversity. Never give up and if you need it reach out for friends.

If you need someone to just listen you can contact me via Contact Us… I am not a qualified councillor but I have good shoulders.

kitten

5 Comments on “Food for Thought

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