Prompt – First Love

Erotic Journal Challenge

My first love was a much older man and he became my Master. I wish I could say it was a great relationship but it wasn’t. I felt I loved him and I didn’t have any experience in this new life. I was eighteen and had led a sheltered life. There was so much that I wish I had known back then.

When I met my now darling partner on the internet, he was so different and sweet and gentle with me. He helped me move from wanting a relationship I had before, because I didn’t know any better. He slowly showed me how a good D/s relationship should be. Now we are together I could not be any happier.

Not long ago I wrote a post about things I wished I had known before going into my first relationship so I thought I would share them here.

This is a sort of list I would have every girl wanting to enter in a M/s dynamic read:-

Just because a man considers himself a gentleman doesn’t mean he is. He might have an ‘outside’ manner but in private he is someone else. Even at events he will be gentle and kind to others.

At the very beginning, when you are charmed by the way he treats you, don’t assume he will always keep this demeanour. They say there is no reason for limits because they are gentle and kind. Up until then he really was, so you say ok.

At the beginning when you are spanked he introduces pleasure. Pain then pleasure. Do you understand what this does to a mind? It is a form of brain washing. Pain then pleasure over and over until there is no resistance. It becomes something that you will endure just to get the pleasure. When you have no limits it is cruel. It gives the person total power over you. Soon you also grow to need the subspace that comes as a way to escape. It also can lead to sub drop and when no one helps you through that clinical depression follows close behind.

Why didn’t I leave? I had nowhere to go and absolutely no money of my own. I had no friends I could contact. I had signed a contract that wasn’t worth the paper it was written on but I didn’t know that. I felt I was stuck fast.

He was my master and I, his slave. I looked after him totally. There was nothing I wouldn’t do no matter how depraved. I was shared and did live sex in peoples homes. I didn’t hate any of it because I thought this was normal.

I wanted to do physics at University but I was asked, why would you want to do that? End of topic be quiet. I was to be seen but not heard. We never had any meaningful discussions, I mean what would I have to talk about? Pat on the head, ‘Now make me a coffee.’

That would be the letter I would send back to my eighteen years old self. I would like to think I would have listened.

I escaped when he died.

I have to say at this point I am healthy and in a wonderful D/s relationship that S. and I stand together in. It is worth all the baggage I brought to this partnership as it helped me understand and have the strength to finally throw away all of the suitcases.


2 Comments on “Erotic Journal Challenge

  1. All I can say darling is he really missed out.You are probably the smartest person in know and there is no one I would rather have an intelligent meaningful conversation with. Besides I can make my own Damn coffee

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a hard lesson to learn in hindsight…and yet so valuable and hard-won. It is amazing how we can be so brainwashed by horrible people. And I’m glad to hear that you got out of it (even if it meant it was because he passed) and found someone who doesn’t take your submission for granted.


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