This post is aimed at all you people seeking to learn about a BDSM lifestyle and the practicalities of the things we like to do.
I am not saying you can’t have the dream, I am saying you can have your version of that dream.
First of all you need to know that not every moment of every day reflects BDSM, or sex, or whips or chains or ropes. This lifestyle should be part of your life. If you have young children then a few things will have to go by the wayside. How many of you have had a child walk into your bedroom while you are having sex? Now imagine them walking on your spanking or while you are tied up being forced to have orgasm after orgasm. How can you explain that you never let a man strike you, when you enjoyed being slapped? What about being noisy when being spanked. There is no way to avoid questions from the children as the sounds are quite distinct. How close are your nearest neighbour, can they hear you? They might make a phone call to the police because they think you are being battered by a violent partner. Hey it isn’t just us gals that make noise so think about it guys.
So you are looking to get into some form of BDSM with your partner or you want to look for a dominant?
The first thing you need to know is if your relationship is strong enough to add some form of BDSM or if you are strong enough to get yourself a Dom. The first thing you must know is not to rush into it. Research, research and research.
Now I am not playing around the house like a nervous little kitten all the time. Pet me in the wrong way and I scratch. We are not forever in the play-room. What we are is loving and attentive. Yes, because we are in this lifestyle, we do have sex more often as it never gets boring. We have the luxury of our kids being teens and older. Only one is still at home, but that could change at any time. I know my daughter thinks we do different things but she has never asked and I have never had to hide anything. She is also out of the house most of the time and in August we are hoping she gets into college.
A tip for all you brave parents and your kids are older, S. has something he says. ‘You might want to put your headsets on kids.’ After the first time they all used the headsets. Only you can decide if that is something you might want to try.
Holidays are fine usually because we can control ourselves for a few days while the family come to visit.
We have discovered a rolled up pair of my socks stuffed in my mouth kills quite a bit of noise. A lock on the door keeps prying eyes away.
Not every time we have sex we get out cuffs, paddles, whips or ropes. We are capable of slightly vanilla sex but I am afraid most time it turns into rough sex. Neither S. or I are into vanilla sex any more. We do try but usually we fail. Darling S. is too dominant and I am too submissive unless we have some primal fun. It flows through us like blood.
We didn’t arrive at this point right away. It took a great deal of communication and understanding. We did the normal things like having rules, safe words and pain levels numbering. If you don’t know what I mean have a look at the navigation menu and look up those posts.
Never try to be the same as anyone else you need to find your own style.
When you read the sex bloggers posts remember they are just speaking about certain times in their BDSM lives. They don’t do it every day. You read about it and think yes I want that but not many bloggers write about when they burst into laughter and lose the moment, or have a coughing fit. You don’t hear about all the times they really don’t feel like sex. Also remember, erotica relies a lot on fiction. It all sounds so delicious but sometimes the reality is a completely different kettle of fish. Same with porn. They are actors people.
If you decide you want to go into BDSM I would say just one thing.
TAKE IT SLOW.
I have been in a bad BDSM relationship simply because I didn’t know any better and it was awful. I am blessed now because I have an amazing partner. We took things slowly and we talked for hours. For a long time I was on the other side of the world from him. Getting to know him on the computer meant we sorted through all the shit and got to an amazing place and then, I changed hemispheres. Believe me it was worth all the soul searching we did and I worked through some not so healthy beliefs about BDSM.
If you want to go into BDSM just because you love pain and discipline then you are lost. You can find lot’s of so called Doms willing to give you just that. S. and I truly believe the only base to build something like this one is LOVE.
There is no such a thing as a true D/s lifestyle. Life happens and sometimes gets in the way. Sometimes potatoes need to be mashed, nappies have to be changed, and coffees need to be made. There are headaches and aching joints, and the flu. Cars will always have to have services. Life happens and we just fill in the spaces with our kinky fuckery.
It is possible to find your way through all of this and strike a balance that works for you. Stay true to yourself and never stop talking to your partner. Understand your needs and desires and communicate them well.
Take your time and things will work out if you find a wonderful partner.