So the short days of a frozen winter are on the way, even though snow might not happen at Christmas. Back home it is 38 degrees Celsius. While we will have the traditional lunch, in Australia they are cleaning off the bar-b-que or ordering the prawns. I prefer a cold Christmas by far.
Now I am going to tell you ways to survive cold snowy days either alone or with your partner.
You will need, a bed, pillows, a thick doona (quilt) and a small selection of sex toys. There is the single version or the deluxe multi person version. Place a circle of pillows around you and then cover with the doona. The pillows should form a wall of warmth without holes for nasty draughts. If alone, place toys conveniently within arm’s reach so all you have to do is reach said arm out from under the covers and take them into the nest. Any need for extra warmth use the toys and you will warm up quickly. The only time you will have to leave the nest is to bathe and to make food or coffee. This item is perfect for long term warmth. It is possible to remain nude in the nest and it is even better for the use of 2, 3 or more people.
You will need a lot of clothing. This is the best cure for when you must venture outside. It is all about layering. First you start with thermal underwear and socks. Next comes a long sleeve t-shirt, some warm leggings and a sweater. The next layer is a pair of jeans and fur lined, water resistant boots. Next is a puffer jacket and a thick woollen scarf. The scarf should be wrapped around your neck several times and one layer of it should cover the mouth and nose. Next is the fleece lined sheep-skin coat and to top it off a nice Russian furry hat with flaps to cover the ears. This outfit does restrict movement and the only part of you visible is your eyes. The weight of this is also a lot to bear so work out before winter to be able to wear this. There is a safety warning that must come with this and it is, should you fall you will never be able to stand up without help so make sure you have someone that will help you up and not laugh their arses off while watching you struggle.
A log fire
Ok this is an oldie but a goodie. You will need a fire place, a good supply of wood near the fireplace and a bearskin with the head still attached. Also loads of cushions or pillows. Several scented candles and a box of matches or fire lighter. This can be done with a gas or electric fire but they are not as romantic as an actual open fire. You will also need a massive lazy Susan under the bearskin so you can rotate safely or you will toast unevenly. If alone you will need either fully energize fingers or sex toys, if you have a partner you are set up well. For the people who enjoy a drink, a bottle champagne chilled and glasses are a must. For you non drinkers make a drink of orange juice and soda water (not so sweet and the bubbles tickle your nose.) You will need a doona for afterwards as you might fall asleep and the fire will die down. Now you are ready to fuck like little rabbits.
You will need a bloody good furnace and underwear or a nice birthday suit. This doesn’t need much explanation. Crank up your furnace and strip off, then dance around the house. Drink lots of fluid because you will dehydrate. If you begin to sate your carnal desires, remember to turn down the heat or you will explode!
I hope these simple devices and instructions help you survive the long cold winters.
If you are in the land down under, get the BBQ out and ready. Get the novelty apron with the cartoon of a naked female on it for your male partner.
Merry Christmas one and all!
S. and K.