Have you ever felt completely helpless and no  I am not saying tied up and in some bondage scene? I am talking about when a person you love is ill. I’m in the situation where I have to watch my beloved S. going through a lot of pain. He never grumbles or gives in to pain. I ask how he is and he says okish. Okish means he is in pain and I have to stop myself hovering over him because hates it. 

The reality of pain

It is strange that I am a masochist. I enjoy pain to certain levels. My tolerance in a scene is really high. Give me a paper cut and I will whinge about it all day. Pain is a very funny thing. S. is not the least bit masochist yet he has a very high tolerance for pain. Go figure. I am staggered by just how stoic he is.

However, pain in the long term can leave you depressed and affect your moods. It can also take away your love of life. Many people become suicide risks if caught up in the cycle of constant pain. Thank goodness my darling is mostly able to elevate himself above the pain. I do what I can to take his mind off of it. Sex works well at times    ~ evil grin ~ but even that has it’s limits. All I really can do is just be here for him and take my lead from him. 

I watch over him when he is asleep

This doesn’t get old when he is hurting. I know of a few people that begin to resent the person that is ill, annoyed they are constantly having to look after them. Where is the love in that? S. looked after me when I went through my cancer treatments. He never got mad, never left me alone to cope by myself. He never got tired of me and honestly there were times I was not fun to be around. He held me when I cried. He kept telling me I was beautiful and that I was loved. I don’t think I would have coped half as well as I did without him. Now it is my turn. If his tummy hurts I gently rub it or kiss him. If he needs to sleep through the pain I curl up with him and watch over him. That is how we are, there for each other when we need to be. 

If I can pass on any pearls of wisdom here I would say be there for each other. Support the person that is ill until they get better. You might feel your BDSM roles might temporally lapse but really does that matter? I do have to say the S. isn’t sick all the time and he quickly proves that our relationship is just fine thank you very much ~ wink ~.

Having saying all of this I hope everyone is feeling well as there is nothing worse than being sick over Christmas. We just have to hope for S. (Crossing fingers would help.)

Have fun and be well.

S. and k.

5 Comments on “What can I do?

  1. Non-consensual pain sucks, it is in no way the same! I’m sorry to hear you guys are dealing with it now and i am sending all the best energy and hugs to you both. Feel better S. and just keep being you kitten, i’m sure that’s all he really needs from you right now! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • The most frustrating in all of this is trying to get the specialist to refer to the state university hospital and also send details to our insurance then wait for an appointment from the hospital. If they had done it correctly the first time I think S. would have been seen by now. It will all work out but it can be very frustrating. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Without you kitten it might actually be hard to put up with what’s going on. Really everybody it’s not too bad kitten does a good job of distracting me and keeping me up and active, and really until such time as I can get this fixed that’s the best thing. Thanks for your well wishes


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