There is a really big difference between feeling vulnerable or feeling a sense of danger. Also there are different sides of the danger coin. Bad danger is when you are under threat or you feel afraid from something beyond your control. Being truly afraid of a situation means one thing, time to get out of there. Making yourself safe before you are in that situation is important.
There is however an acceptable level danger you might enjoy. Every time S. totally ties me up with a view to a whipping or a flogging gives me a thrill of danger but in my mind I know he would never go too far. I know I am safe in my sane brain but my sexual brain always questions. That in turn turns up my sexual desires.
Vulnerability is a double edged sword too. When with my darling, telling him about something new I wanted to try, makes me feel very vulnerable as I said in a recent post. It can be hard to open up the darker of my fantasies. However when I do take the chance it always works out well. I might not get what I asked for because ultimately S. is in charge of me and my body to some degree and he will not harm me in any way.
All of these things take time to evolve to where you can be completely open with each other.
Bad vulnerability can be the forced kind. I, myself, do not struggle if S. says during a scene something like, ‘I have you completely helpless and you can’t get away, what are you going to do?’ That I feel is exciting but again, I know I am safe. If this comes from a lover you know it might be acceptable but not good if it comes from a newer Dom. Always talk about consent ( things you are not agreeing to) limits and your pain levels.
I am struggling to explain this but I think you will all know if you are in a wonderful relationship. If not perhaps I have given you a rough description and you will start thinking about it. You should never have to put up with the bad kind of vulnerability or sense of danger. Always put safety before desire. If you feel like it is wrong then it is wrong.
A good Dom or Master will never take advantage, or make you feel less than the beautiful people you are. It is in their own interests to look after you both physically and emotionally. S. would never try to make me vulnerable if I didn’t enjoy it. He knows what happened to me when I was raped and he would not give me that hint of danger if it had me falling headlong into that scenario. There are things he must avoid and he always does.
Most of the people that come into this blog and I know, are lucky enough to be in relationships that are wonderful. Look inside yourselves and see the hints of danger or vulnerability that makes your senses soar.
Enjoy and stay safe.
S. and K.