I read an interesting post on Master’s Pleasing Bitch’s blog and she mentioned the Safety Net she has with her Master. It was very insightful but it made me think about my own safety with my beloved S.
When you first enter a new relationship, trust is not instant nor should it be. That takes a great deal of communication and time. Sometimes it takes a massive amount of time but it should never be rushed. Pushing might push your fears deeper. S. and I spoke on the computer of all the things I find exciting but we also spoke of limits and things I would not do. He also spoke of his limits too but it turned out we were just so alike. We established both soft and hard limits and we spoke of rules (I wanted them and S. said some he would like.) He would have been just as happy not to have any. Rules make me feel more submissive. I spoke of fantasies and things I would like to try too.
There were somethings I really had to warn him about and they were triggers that took me back to my rape. I cannot stand beery breath it is not only disgusting, the men that attacked me all reeked of beer. I had a hessian sack placed over my head and the smell of hessian or a hood going over my head makes me panic. I was hurt with a bowie knife and they panic me too. All necessary to take into consideration for a healthy sex life in BDSM.
S. collects knives but mostly small ones. I like to collect swords, go figure. He has told me he has no desire to put a bowie knife in his collection.
Some people are afraid to be suspended in ropes, panic when gagged, and afraid of blindfolds. Any good Dom will respect your fear and possibly help you through them if you want to. Never be bullied into trying because it must be your choice. You don’t have to go for these things for a complete scene. But gently try them for a minute or two so you can adjust. It might take a few minutes it might take months. Do not feel bad if you can’t do it.
There is an aspect of BDSM that a good percentage of submissives give into. When they find the right Dominant for them they get into a state of excitement where they want it all right now. They might not speak of limits or triggers or fear and allow their Dom to do everything to them just to please him/her. This is a time that holds many drawbacks. They want to be perfect and of course we all know there is no such thing. Sometimes it is down to the Dominant to be the steadying hand in the relationship because in the long run he/she knows it will be a much stronger connection if he/she does that. If you are both new to this please begin slowly no matter how you both feel about doing it all. This isn’t just related to submissives and Dominants can get that instant need to try it all too. Make time for the nuts and bolts because a good relationship needs a strong foundation.
Now back to my darling S. and the safety net that surrounds us. When we began talking I wanted to sound him out on what was important for me to know for my safety. One big one is about my pain levels. I have mentioned that I can take a lot of pain but now I don’t want to be beaten until I am good for nothing. I explained to S. the nature of pain, both giving and taking can become addictive. I wanted to know, actually I needed to know if he could stop that from happening, that he would remain in control. Lucky for me his limits are lower than mine so he never exceeds them.
Because of being as close as we are I feel completely safe within my lover’s arms. We really have taken the time to discuss everything. All is known to this point but you never really stay as you are now. It becomes a living, growing thing that always changes.
As I read the aforementioned post I liked how she said that being in a Master/slave situation, because of safe words and limits and a knowledge of her Dominant, she feels she is covered by a safety net.
Not many vanillas can say that.
Please take the time to read Master’s pleasing bitch’s blog post too.
S & K