I am hoping this is going to give some idea of my beloved S. In my humble opinion I think he is one of the best Dominants I have ever met but he would argue that point with me, even me writing this will make him feel uncomfortable. He does not like being held up as an example to anyone. He is also shy at times and raucous at others. So please remember all of this as I ask him questions and he answers them.


1.      So much is written about safe words and limits. How would you describe the importance of having them? 

 There was a point in our relationship when kitten wanted to do away with safe words and I said if we did that then I could never give her what she wanted, because I would never be able to give a 100%. I would always be keeping something back for fear of going too far. Safe words and limits to me are a trust issue she trusts me as her dominant not to violate them, more over I trust her to use them to keep herself safe so that I can play fully within her bounds and not have to guess what or where too much lays 

2.      At the very beginning of your relationship did you pick kitten as a woman or as a submissive?

I picked her as a woman. She recently told the story of how we met and I picked her because she was intelligent and funny and could hold a great conversation those things will always come first for me 

3.      Are you always Dominant or do you put it away when not in a scene?

Dominance isn’t a hat you put on before you go outside, it’s a state of being for me. I’ve always been a bit bossy lol. Now do I bark orders and expect her to walk three steps behind or do what I say all the time? No.

4.      It has been said in here quite often that you prefer kitten to be strong and independent. Does this not clash with the D/s relationship?

 In my way of thinking it doesn’t clash. I want a submissive, a woman who is giving me something precious not someone who is so beaten down by life and her circumstances she feels she has no alternative. I need kitten to be strong and my equal other wise it just feels like I’m taking advantage 

5.      Do you consider flirting and foreplay to be important in your relationship?

Oh the flirting and the foreplay is everything. We spend a great deal of time on the flirting and the foreplay those are the delicious parts of a relationship it makes the main event just so much sweeter. Always spend more time on flirting and foreplay 

6.      Are there times when you feel the responsibility of being always Dominant overwhelming and need a break from it?

Once in a great while I need a day off, it is rare. The thing about the way I try to be a dominant is I guide I talk to kitten a lot I help her to get where she wants to be, it’s not me shaping her into anything so there isn’t frustration. Sometimes as a couple we have a lot going on and there are decisions to make. She has plenty of input of course, but in the end those decisions do fall on me that’s when I might need a break 

7.      Do you consider it important to have some outlet, like a hobby for you, even if it takes you away from kitten for hours at a time?

kitten and I are together 24/7 so yes we each need hobbies and things we do apart, even if it is nothing more then reading different books it gives us things to talk about. God knows we love to talk 

8.      If kitten does something wrong how do you let her know what she has done wrong and what discipline do you use? 

 I tell her, nicely in the simplest terms possible. Punishment can vary but there are two that work wonders. The first is to simply let her know I am disappointed, that devastates her. The other is make her stand naked in the corner. I refuse to use spankings as a punishment because she likes spankings. Being an old psych major, I don’t like to confuse pleasure and punishment.

9.      Can you explain how being Dominant makes you feel?

 I can’t explain it, not really. What I can say is for me it just feels right like a good pair of boots or nice gloves it’s just right for me 

10.   If you were asked for advice what would you say to someone contemplating becoming a Dominant?

Don’t, it isn’t fun and games. It’s the biggest commitment you can make to another human being. It’s work, well worth it work and I adore every second with kitten. 

11.   How easy was it to shift from being an Alpha male to a Dominant?

It went pretty good for me I was a really caring guy to start with. Once I discovered that was the secret to being a Dom that’s all it took. I would imagine that isn’t always the case 

12.   Can you explain the differences between being a Dominant and a Master as it relates to you or do you simply consider them simply labels?

This is a really hard question to answer that’s why I’ve slept on it. On the one hand, at first thought I wanted to give some long explanation of how it meant so much more to be a master. I gave it some consideration and I realized it doesn’t, that they are simply just labels, each comes from the same place and if done well, do the same things. Personally I don’t like the concept of being a master, I’m not all seeing all knowing, I need and value kittens input.

13.   Would you ever consider going back to a vanilla life? If not, why?

No, I would never consider going back. To me vanilla life is duplicitous, full of partners manipulating each other trying to get what they want. We may do lots of dark and deliciously twisted things in this life style but we do them honestly and with consent as a general rule. The vanilla world also seems to be so one dimensional now 

 14.   How would you like the world to see you?

 I just want to be seen as a guy nothing special, someone who took care  of his girl, I want that to be what’s expected not something to be admired.

15.   You are a member of Fetlife.com, what would you consider its biggest plus and its biggest minus?

Fet can be a place to find local events and keep up with people you meet. Other than that it’s not worth much. I also have no use for Facebook or Twitter

16.   If you had the chance to start right back at the beginning of your BDSM journey with kitten would you change anything?

As kitten has hinted to we have taken a pretty crooked broken path together to get to where we are, to find our solid stable footing together. I had my trauma she had hers, I tried to drink mine away. I’ve been sober  now for oh I don’t know six, seven years. I’m a different person so is she. Why, you ask, do I even dare to share that? Well it’s to make my point that no I wouldn’t change any part of my journey through BDSM or life  for that matter because each thing good or bad that I have experienced has shaped me in to the person that has this set of answers to give.

17.   How do you manage to keep things fresh and new in your relationship with kitten

Imagination first and foremost I’ve had a creative mind since I was a kid and a willingness to try anything once. That has served us well I don’t like to do the same thing too many times in a row so we are always doing something new and different 

18.   When writing the rules was it you that set them and how important do you consider them?

We set the rules together things that were important to the both of us. In  all honesty I think the rules are a little more important to kitten I’m a more fly by the seat of your pants guy, she craves structure a bit more. That being said I follow the rules and I enforce them because they are important to her that makes them important to me 

19.   How important is clear, open communications in your relationship and is that communication spread throughout every aspect of your relationship?

 Clear, open, free, frequent communication is the most important thing In our relationship. The single most important thing. Just In case I’m being obtuse, without clear communication there wouldn’t be much of a relationship in every aspect of our relationship. Gee I hope I haven’t mumbled during this part. Could you all hear me in the back? Ok so maybe I have some strong feelings about communication, but honestly, our ability to communicate is what sets us apart from vanilla society. It’s the back nine of our world 

20.   How do you know if you have done an amazing scene? Is it your inner dialogue?

No it isn’t in my inner dialogue it’s in the purr of my kittens voice. It’s in the smile on my face and the pounding of my heart. That kind of satisfaction isn’t inner dialogue it’s visceral. You feel it you see it you taste it.

 I do know how shy S. is with answering questions about his role as my partner. He is nervous about answering questions that reflect his dominant nature or being held up as some God like person. I know he would want me to emphasize the fact he is a normal man just enjoying our partnership. He will also say there is still much he doesn’t know so you might want to remember that when reading his answers. Please remember this is just one man not the best Dom in the world. (I think he is but that is how it should be) I am so very proud of him and how he treats me. The reason for this post is I have read so many questions about Dominants and not many Doms are willing to open up.

 As a submissive girl I am not really able to answer these kinds of questions and they still come out of a submissive mind and heart. I think the answers I might give would be very much watered down. I hope you have enjoyed this post as it is rooted in my heart. Every part of me responds to this man and I know we want to spend the rest of our lives together.



S. & k



3 Comments on “Interview with a Dominant

  1. With all the bad information out there it took me a long time to convince the Bear that He was already a good dominant, he just had to embrace the idea instead of be worried by it. It’s hard to find places where the first responsibility of a dominant is to watch over and care for their submissive, not bark orders and expect unconditional mindless following and sex.

    I finally found a well written site that stated very clearly that strong, independent and intellegent women (or men) make the best submissives and that dominating a person who feels they have no choice is really not appealing.

    Thankfully His view of ‘dominant’ began to change and I can’t imagine He would ever want to go back now. For what it’s worth, I don’t believe we ever had what you would consider a vanilla relationship, but it is more structured than it was before, now.

    Lots of good points here guys! Thanks for taking the time and for sharing S. and Kitten!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wanted the first thing to be pointed out was that every Dominant is different. What works for us might not work for others. You grow together and make your own way. S. is the first to say this isn’t the ‘right’ way, this is our way. k. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • What’s this you say, there is no dominant ‘messiah’ that we all need to follow?? LoL

        I couldn’t agree more, Kitten. There is no ‘right’ way. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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