Whatever happened to ‘Not tonight dear I have a headache.’? Gone from me for the rest of my life. I don’t have to say things like that because S. notices me and knows when the time is right. Sometimes it might take a little persuading but not much. His voice, his little touches, the deep flirting all things like that. He is the master of them.
We talk of sexual things often or shop for tools for the playroom and he gently coaxes out all the fantasies from my mind. I try to do the same thing with him but he is not so forthcoming. He always says ‘I enjoy what you enjoy.’
I know the things he likes when we are in a scene. He loves to put ropes around me and he studies every wind of the rope, every knot and every quick release. He studies for ages before trying them on me. Then we practice until he is satisfied he has it right. Have I mentioned he tries hard to be a perfectionist and that is why I love him? My safety comes before all other things.
He enjoys impact play, loves to spank, paddle, use a crop, a tawse, a whip anything really. Every one of those things are practiced and pain levels discovered. If anything, he never takes me to the top of my levels of pain. He would much prefer to give me six a little lighter and build the pain up slowly. He says it is not an endurance race. Again, that speaks of his care for me.
I think he feels like he has been given the Mona Lisa and knows he would not thrash, beat it and destroy it.
We had a scene today and it was impact play. I don’t know if you know this but for me pain was everything to me and I enjoyed deep levels of pain but after, say a beating, that put me in the grip of a powerful sub space. If that happens I am unable to then get into having actual sex. I had put a whip, a crop and a wooden paddle on the bed and clicked manacles to my wrists attached to the cross beam of our four-poster. I was his to do with as he wished and I told him that. He used the paddle and crop and as this was happening I realised something, I didn’t want to be taken to sub-space, unable to have mind blowing sex so I said my safe word. He released me from the manacles and then cuddled me on the bed. I asked him to lay on the bed so I could ride him and he asked, ‘Are you ready for that?’ There was no need to answer, I rode him like a wild thing.
It was right there I realized I would not choose pain unless it was accompanied with mind blowing sex.
There might be a time when I change that but I know S. was perfectly okay with me changing my mind and it will be okay if I change it again. Nothing I did challenged his Dominance I asked very politely.
That is the give and take between us and that is what this lifestyle is all about. It is a living, breathing relationship that is always morphing and growing. He never ignores my needs and is reluctant to bend me over a table and fuck me furiously until he is sated. I have told him over and over I find that exciting but it will take time as he is not that kind of lover.
He is also measured in the way he humiliates me. I find it exciting and I love the way he does it. He has never been cruel or done anything disgusting to me. I doubt he ever will. Crawling is a form of humiliation he uses and that is pretty tame. That gives you an idea of how he is with me.
I am working on a post with S. and I am interviewing him. I will be posting in a day or two so you will get to know him even more. It gives an idea of what goes on in a Dominant’s mind. I was very careful to not ask questions I wanted to know but to draw out things you all might like to know from the other side of submission.
S. and k