Does libido have a place in the D/s M/s dynamic?

This is such a large question and it depends on your own ideas about this. What I am about to share is simply my own ideas and circumstances. I guess I am writing about this so you can consider your own concept of the word and what works for you.

Libido – Sexual urges or drives, psychology: Drives or mental energies related or based on sexual instincts but not necessarily sexual in nature in and of themselves.

I feel you have to really look at libido because it can be influenced by the actions of your partner if he keeps things interesting and fresh, hormones and how you react to scenes. Also, your health can influence it too. That is very simplified but you get the idea.

Everyone  can have bouts of a lowered libido. It can last a short while and sometimes a long time. It can also become a rest of your life thing.

Your health has a big influence on it too. Pain tends to turn you off. Depression too, well these two things did to me. Also, a Dom or Master can suffer from a lagging libido and can become difficult to keep the relationship alive. They can burn out so be prepared to step up and create some nice scenes for him or her. You can do so without crossing the boundaries of your submission.

Good non-sexual foreplay sometimes makes me very aroused and also flirting plays a big role.

Now I cannot write this post without saying this. Medications can affect your libido and also you can consult with your doctor to see if he/she can help you with this problem. A failing libido is a lot different to not wanting sex. It can hang around for months. Unhappiness within your relationship could be a warning you need to talk to a councillor.

In mine and S.’s relationship there have been times when I felt that sex was the last thing on my mind. If S. has been flirting madly with me I speak up early and let him know if I am not in the mood so to speak. However, being submissive the idea that I could serve him and not actually feel like sex. Being submissive is a huge turn on for me, so not having sex doesn’t happen all that much. I will say it happened a lot more when we were talking via the internet.

There is something I need to tell you about S. There is no way he would demand sex if I was either, too tired, too ill, in pain or when my moods are playing up. He could do it as I would comply but he would just not enjoy it. He is one of those men that prefer his partner to orgasm until she is sated before taking his own pleasure. (BTW Nijntje, thanks for the heads up about the male multi – orgasm. It works!!!!)

If you would like to read it too follow this link… Male Multiple Orgasm   Now he practices his kegels all the time and he tells me it is worth it. ~ wink ~

I hope this stimulates your own ideas about libido.

There is one other thing I will tell you. Having a low libido is not the end of the world. Our partners understand. Talk with them and see if they can suggest something. This is one thing that get’s worse with stress. Relax and it will come back. Also, if it is your partner’s problem allow them the same curtesy to get over it and perhaps suggest a thing or two from this post. Being loving towards each other will offer a place to get past the libido situation.

I hope this helps but remember it is just my view. Libido is a fluid thing so just roll with it as you recover it. Have a recovery strategy, like meditation, a doctor’s appointment and still be close and cuddle your partner.

Everything can be overcome with the help of your partner.


S. & k.



6 Comments on “Libido

  1. My wife is the same type of dominant as S…she would never force my tongue between her legs, if I was not in the mood…of course she sees to it, that I am always in the mood.


  2. Good post Kitten, lots of good ideas here. I’d like to add that peri-menopause is also a huge factor in this and lots of serious conversations are important to help get past it, on both sides! Even if you are not in a lifestyle dynamic, it’s a real roller coaster! Not only emotional but physical issues play into your life and can be a relationship buster if you let it.

    The Bear is the same as S., He wouldn’t find any enjoyment in sex if I was truly not in the right mental, emotional, or physical state. BUT ….. I’m glad you found the article helpful! *giggle* I know we have enjoyed the knowledge for some time now! *wink*


  3. I think the most important thing you alluded to,baby, was to separate love and lust. Just because the libido isn’t working just so doesn’t preclude outward signs of love like kisses and snuggles. Oh there I go again all serious and mushy. Relax enjoy eventually all will be well with the world. Love you babe nice writing


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