I was at a loss as to what to talk about here in the blog and after a talk with S. we now have several ideas. This was the first part of the ideas.
We wanted to talk about rules but from a different direction than before. I wrote a piece called ‘Guidelines’ before and you can read that post too if you are interested. In it I said that we had guidelines rather than intractable rules. I have changed my mind and I want to speak of rules now.
I want you to remember I have been very ill lately and rules went out of the window. S. was fine with that. Now I am going through physical therapy to regain my stamina and gain some weight but something is stirring in me if you get my meaning ~ wink ~.
There is another side to this and that is about S. For months he has been given the run around having tests done and seeing specialists. He is in constant discomfort. That gnaws away at you so I haven’t been flirting much with the assumption he was not feeling up to a scene. He has set me right on that count by saying ‘I am hurting a bit but I am not dead. Turning me on takes my mind off of it.’
Life does get in the way at times and under certain circumstances the lifestyle can buckle under the weight of it. Also, rules go by the wayside.
If you look at it under the surface a little it can also erode away at your relationship standing. When I obey rules, I feel more submissive and when my darling S. sees me actively keep those rules, he feels more Dominant.
We actively sat down and made the rules so that we could put input from both of us.
On our list we have the main one which is to show respect at all times and it applies to both of us.
There is a rule about a Meta Talk. Both of us are able to ask for a meta talk when things crop up. We both have agreed that if something is making us feel depressed or sad or if things hurt us we call a Meta talk. That is a talk taken outside of the dynamics of the relationship. We speak as equals.
The Word Equal takes us into another rule. We are equals, even in the dynamics of our life we just approach it from different directions. No one is more right and cannot pressure the other into doing anything. This, to me, is one of the most important things
Another rule is that we both have lists of limits, and also pain levels that must be respected at all times. The lists can be changed at any time and spoken of in a meta talk.
If a Safe Word is used then everything stops and the person saying the safe word will be comforted and a discussion will be essential to discover why the word was said. This might mean what was done can become a hard limit and never tried again, or it could become a soft limit and become something you can talk about at a later date.
I must not touch myself sexually unless directed to edge. I can be directed to edge every day for a set amount.
These mentioned so far are pretty standard rules. Some people might think them unnecessary to write down. I believe each one should be on the list. I have them and I trust S. with my life but he wants everything on the list.
These are a couple of things S. has asked for: –
The first is about clothing rules. I am not to wear panties at all unless
1. I am asked to wear something specific.
2. If jeans seams move against my clit ring too much and I can’t control it.
I am not to wear a bra unless: –
1. My breasts ache
2. I am asked to wear them.
If I wear a corset it must be either half cup or no cups.
S. can pick out the clothes he wants me to wear unless he has told me to pick what I would like to wear.
S. also likes to pick out things we buy for me to wear.
S. is in charge of any tattoos I want.
I have a huge phobia about having photographs of me put on the internet. I had a bad experience a long while ago. So, I have been asked to take four pictures of me per week and to share them with him. We have both got an idea of sharing photos on the blog but of course I will be in a mask. He requested I post some in Bit’s of Me and it was a start. With the pictures I take they don’t have to be intimate so I can take silly ones too of elbows and hands but he prefers intimate ones.
If I want to spend money on something and it is expensive he wants me to take a photo of it and ask permission. We also have a thing in place that if he wants to buy something over a certain price we have agreed upon, he will also do the photo thing. Things like groceries or bills are exempt. This isn’t so much a lifestyle thing, but more respect and openness towards each other.
There are a few about my health, mainly my diabetic health. I have to take my meds on time. I must take my bloods often. I must remember my supplements and before I start a new medication I will ask him about them and he will research them in depth. He loves to be close to my medication regime.
The most important one to me is the wearing of a collar 24/7. I have a selection of them so I can pick one for different situations and I regard them as important as a wedding ring.
Now we come to discipline. When I break rules there are consequences.
Spanking? Nope I enjoy it too much.
Whipping? Nope for the same reason.
Canning? This one falls into two categories: –
On the ass, and legs? Nope because I do enjoy it.
On the hands? I don’t enjoy that so it is a good discipline.
The worst one has to be being naked and put in a corner. I hate it.
I have imposed a sort of rule on myself and that is to show my darling S. that I love him in deeds and actions at least once a day.
I call no other person Sir, Master, or Mistress. I have just one dominant and it will always be that way. I am submissive to only him.
I have told you the rules but I might have missed some and S. will read this and amend the list.
I hope this inspires you to update your own lists but the biggest thing I want you all to remember these are my Rules, mine and S.’s. I listed them simply to get you to think about your own.
Because of ill health we shunted the rules to one side but doing that has a pretty big impact on us.… it makes me feel wonderfully submissive to obey these rules and it makes S. feel much more dominant when he see’s me obeying them. Ignoring them had the opposite effect and erodes us in subtle ways.
Have fun but please be safe.
S. & k.