Beginners, Newbies and Everyone Really
This is one of the most important posts I have written in here. I am following a lot of blogs within WordPress world and I go visit them often. I read their posts and enjoy them very much. I have been in the lifestyle for many a long year and yes, I am aware that makes me sound so old but I am only forty. I was reading one such post on another blog and began to see it through the eyes of a beginner. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand as it was well written, but more along the lines of someone reading it and thinking, oh my god I could never do that, or my body doesn’t react that way. Well this post is aimed at those people and I hope to help a little.
I have been in the lifestyle for over twenty years and there are still things I read and I think I could never do that, or maybe, well I might like to try that. I place no pressure on myself to achieve the same goal as the writer but I talk to my darling S. and we see what our version is like. It takes patience and practice. Communication is your biggest asset. Some things you will like and some things you won’t.
I write informative posts, satire posts, journal entries and each one is based on my experiences. I am not your typical submissive because I loathe labels but the way I managed to find myself here, with my wonderful S. in a very happy dynamic and that is because we got rid of labels. I do things a great number of submissives would question if I am submissive at all, but I don’t care. I am true to myself and my darling S. loves me for it.
The big thing here is it’s MY EXPERIENCES and I would hate for someone to take all of my posts literally. If you find something that appeals to you then by all means try it with your partner.
I have bad knees and I have had surgery on them. I find it difficult to kneel and to a submissive, kneeling is a big deal for both partners. I have adapted it and I kneel on cushions. Same result but with my adaptions I made it my own. That is the point I took something and changed it to fit me and my partner’s needs.
I have a list of hard limits and they are something I would never ever want to try. I have not listed my hard limits so that I encourage everyone to make up their own. I also have a list of soft limits that I have not shared for the same reason. Soft limits are things that scare you, or excite you but you are concerned you can’t do them. Soft limits are things that you might change your mind about at a later date but the bottom (submissive) has the last word on it.
I strive to not pass judgement on any BDSM practices it is a case of YKINMK (Your kink is not my kink.) They are simply things I have no wish to try. A submissive should not try to do everything for their Top all at once. It is easy to be caught up in the excitement of submission and that excitement might lead you to places you don’t want to be.
The important thing is our wonderful blogs are just like window shopping. You can’t tell if a dress will suit you until you try it on. I know that is simplifying it but it is apt. When it comes to starting out the submissive controls the way the relationship goes to a large degree but your Dominant will also have input but please do not let the Top have all the say. It’s your body and your kinks. It should be a give and take relationship.
Most of the blogs I follow have realistic things on their blogs but if you ever find one that doesn’t and expects a woman’s or man’s body to do impossible things then simply chalk it up to experience. A lot of subs cannot cum on demand, take a harsh whipping or enjoy being suspended in ropes. Your aims should be to start slow, take your time and that way you will enjoy it. You will also know what kinds of things turn you on so you can sort of know which blog you will enjoy.
If you remain open to different things you will grow.
If you start slowly it will remain a positive growth thing and filled with lots of fun. If you are spanked for the first time you have to discover your pain levels before play. Those lessons can be such fun even though they are serious endeavours. You will also need safe words. Please read about those before you begin. Look through all the blogs for helpful advice. There is a great number of wonderful blogs to find. If you look at the blogs I follow they will lead you to other blogs and from there you can find blogs they follow. If you like the blog then follow them and you will be advised by email when they write something new. If you have questions, everyone that has a blog will be happy to answer questions normally. If they are personal questions that you don’t want to ask in a comment, look for a contact us button on the blog.
I don’t mind answering questions at all and we have a contact us form. No question is silly or too intimate. I will block anyone that takes that invitation as sign to talk dirty to me. My partner is involved with the blog and can answer questions from prospective of a Dominant. Again, his expertise comes from his own journey and he hates to be called an expert, however, he is happy to answer questions from how he would handle it.
Have fun and stay safe.
S. and K.