As everyone here has read that I share a very intense relationship with S. There have been things I have not shared because I have no wish to make S. sound like a brute. He is absolutely not. He is soft and gentle and very loving. This type of thing could be judged as abuse if you simply look at the surface. However, before I go into it I want to make sure you understand something.

Everything we do has been practiced, used in measured parts, limits found and done with love.  These are the very foundation of our relationship. 

When we first got together S. had limited experience in BDSM but he was never a newbie to me. There was however a problem between us, I enjoyed a higher level of pain than he was used to giving. This can be a huge problem unless you talk and talk to your top. It takes lots of experimenting and respecting each others limits. Believe me S. had limits that were place because he felt uncomfortable with things I loved. I was patient with him and eventually he softened. Then there was practice, limits and safe words. Yes S. uses a safe word too.

This got a whole lot better when we dropped the labels of sadist and masochist. Those words carry so much shit on their back. I like pain, S. loves what pain does to me and he enjoys giving me what I need. Pain comes with his hands and he has amazing hands. He slaps me which I adore. He has strong hands and ones I trust completely. I know when his hand raises it will not break me or make me see stars. I have to say that until I am 100% sure it is safe to slap my tits we will wait to return to that again. I miss it.

There is an understanding between S. and myself, if I push him too far he will push me up against the wall and put his hand around my throat. He will lean in very close to me and say, ‘Behave our I will discipline you.’ He never loses his cool and there is no anger in it but it has that tang of danger that thrills me. He is allowed to even do it because he wants to. We have that fluid consent between us. If I do not wish to go into a scene I will use my safe word, however if he does that to me I am instantly ready to play.

I want to say here that there is no loss of control with S. EVER. (No matter how frantic the sex is he never ever losses awareness of my reactions or needs)

That makes him sound superhuman but it is easy to feel when a person stops responding to something. I also never test him by pushing him to do more than he wishes. Let’s say I know when to give up the fight and submit.

We often participate in really rough sex. Nowadays it has a new label, Primal Predator/Prey but it is simply really rough sex. S. has been known to put a forearm across my throat but never harshly. He does that to keep me under his control. I do tend to lash out and slap S.

I am telling you all this because I read a really interesting post about slapping and I thought what the hell and I did this. I did it to tell those of you that would like to have this kind of a connection with your partner talk to them. It won’t happen overnight. It should never happen overnight. It is something you build up to. The last you need to happen is to move too quickly and become afraid.

You can or will have bruises. You also might ache afterwards so aftercare is important.

This is very much a case of YKINMK, your kink is not my kink.

You may have feelings like this and I wanted to let you know it is ok to have them. You might want to try them too. There is nothing wrong with you, your mind is not going crazy. You are not encouraging violence against women. Don’t get caught up in that. It is a kink, pure and simple.

I will put a caution in here. If your Top wishes to do this to you it is up to you what you do. If you have no wish to engage in this, be up front from the outset. No Top should try to force, cajole or drop it on you without warning. If they do…. that is abuse.

Have fun and be safe.


S. and K.



8 Comments on “Shadows

  1. Great post, Kitten! When we first started exploring BDSM the biggest hurdle was getting past the stigma and the idea that men don’t hurt women, period! The Bear is very much the nice, caring guy that everyone wants. Trying to get His head around the idea of loving me and doing ‘what’??? It took time and patience from both of us but it was certain;y worth the effort. And your right, tops/doms do have limits as well, it important we remember that fact for pushing your dom beyond their limits is no better than pushing your sub, IMO anyway.


    • Nijntje, I have a part of me that loses control and that is perfect for my situation but I would never try to push S. over his limit. I know how destructive that can be. We always aim for a place where we have been sated and we are basking in the afterglow. It works well for us. ❀

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh can’t imagine you ever doing such a thing, Kitten. I left this comment here for others who might be new or looking to get into the ‘lifestyle’. It was something you touched upon in your post and something very rarely talked about, our tops/doms/daddys and masters have limits too. It’s important to understand and respect that.
        your site is such a wealth of knowledge for those looking I just wanted to reinforce what you had already mentioned for their sake. πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Your words are lovely as always darling. One thing I would like to make clear for our dominant readers is when kitten and I play rough it is always in a controlled manner on my part. As you said in the post darling my kink isn’t so much about inflicting of pain but in the pleasure that brings you, yes it’s a turn on, yes I could get lost in it, and so could you.that’s why I feel as the dominant it’s my responsibility to stay in control so a good time is had by all and no one gets hurt lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • The Bear most definitely gets his pleasure of BDSM from meeting my needs. I would say that is the driving force. The more I enjoy something, the more He does too. πŸ˜€


  3. Thank you missvioletgrey23 for the kind words. It is very important for me to put things in a way people can relate to as well a s remaining true to myself and S. Your kind words encourage me to write so thank you so much ❀


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