As everyone here has read that I share a very intense relationship with S. There have been things I have not shared because I have no wish to make S. sound like a brute. He is absolutely not. He is soft and gentle and very loving. This type of thing could be judged as abuse if you simply look at the surface. However, before I go into it I want to make sure you understand something.
Everything we do has been practiced, used in measured parts, limits found and done with love. These are the very foundation of our relationship.
When we first got together S. had limited experience in BDSM but he was never a newbie to me. There was however a problem between us, I enjoyed a higher level of pain than he was used to giving. This can be a huge problem unless you talk and talk to your top. It takes lots of experimenting and respecting each others limits. Believe me S. had limits that were place because he felt uncomfortable with things I loved. I was patient with him and eventually he softened. Then there was practice, limits and safe words. Yes S. uses a safe word too.
This got a whole lot better when we dropped the labels of sadist and masochist. Those words carry so much shit on their back. I like pain, S. loves what pain does to me and he enjoys giving me what I need. Pain comes with his hands and he has amazing hands. He slaps me which I adore. He has strong hands and ones I trust completely. I know when his hand raises it will not break me or make me see stars. I have to say that until I am 100% sure it is safe to slap my tits we will wait to return to that again. I miss it.
There is an understanding between S. and myself, if I push him too far he will push me up against the wall and put his hand around my throat. He will lean in very close to me and say, ‘Behave our I will discipline you.’ He never loses his cool and there is no anger in it but it has that tang of danger that thrills me. He is allowed to even do it because he wants to. We have that fluid consent between us. If I do not wish to go into a scene I will use my safe word, however if he does that to me I am instantly ready to play.
I want to say here that there is no loss of control with S. EVER. (No matter how frantic the sex is he never ever losses awareness of my reactions or needs)
That makes him sound superhuman but it is easy to feel when a person stops responding to something. I also never test him by pushing him to do more than he wishes. Let’s say I know when to give up the fight and submit.
We often participate in really rough sex. Nowadays it has a new label, Primal Predator/Prey but it is simply really rough sex. S. has been known to put a forearm across my throat but never harshly. He does that to keep me under his control. I do tend to lash out and slap S.
I am telling you all this because I read a really interesting post about slapping and I thought what the hell and I did this. I did it to tell those of you that would like to have this kind of a connection with your partner talk to them. It won’t happen overnight. It should never happen overnight. It is something you build up to. The last you need to happen is to move too quickly and become afraid.
You can or will have bruises. You also might ache afterwards so aftercare is important.
This is very much a case of YKINMK, your kink is not my kink.
You may have feelings like this and I wanted to let you know it is ok to have them. You might want to try them too. There is nothing wrong with you, your mind is not going crazy. You are not encouraging violence against women. Don’t get caught up in that. It is a kink, pure and simple.
I will put a caution in here. If your Top wishes to do this to you it is up to you what you do. If you have no wish to engage in this, be up front from the outset. No Top should try to force, cajole or drop it on you without warning. If they do…. that is abuse.
Have fun and be safe.
S. and K.