I was reading a post on my news feed today about Gay People who have come ‘Out of the Closet’ and some that were outed in different ways and how it made life difficult. It then had me thinking about something I read on Fetlife. There is a furore going on about someone that has been outed (someone making the real name and address of another person public. Normally done maliciously.)

I had to think about what I would do if I were outed. I would not like my daughter to know, but that is  because she has not lived a long life and has now anything about BDSM. and I am sure S. would not  like his children to know but he has said that his children are all grown up now and though they might not approve they would not give him hell over it. I hold on to my secrets tightly. I have to question if it is just because I am female. I guess I would just have to stand proud and say it is me. I am not ashamed of who I am, not in the least. I enjoy how S. and I are and how we worked hard to get here. I have a very dear gay friend and he knows. He treats me just the same as everyone else. He did have a talk to S. and told him he would be watching him and any signs of sadness or being broken down in me and he would get me out of the situation. S. said he would be disappointed if he didn’t.

I also think if you manage your blog well you can avoid being outed. I have a rule, if I post pics of me I do not show my face well I broke that rule yesterday but the pic my face is not without a little disguise. Another thing that can be identified are tattoos but far less than your name. I never put my location or real name on here because that also gives haters directions.

My daughter watched the Real 50  Shades and I am certain she will question me. I will then explain to her about S. and I. So you could say I have been outed by the TV. I know this is far less as traumatic as being outed by another through malice.

I know of a woman that was outed maliciously and her family had her sectioned, even thought she was in a wonderful M/s relationship. The dreaded slave bit was what tipped it over, even though she protested that is was all consensual. Haters do not care about the pain they cause, they just take great pleasure in up turning a person’s life. What caused this woman’s plight? She refused another man’s advances and he was left he didn’t like taking no for an answer.

I have come to the conclusion that, though I have a wonderful life, having a blog like this or being on Fetlife, has put me in a position that could implode on me but I have taken measures to make it more difficult for a hater to attack me. On Fetlife I only have one picture and it is two people holding hands in the car. On here there is a shot of me, but no location. The USA is a very big place. In Fet I am not political and S. protects me in there. In here everyone has been really wonderful.

I have only ever been attacked once and I just left.

I am also strong when it comes to haters. I will defend any others on here and continue to support them as much as I can. I think people that do this should be named and shamed and a copy of their hate should be copied and posted so that everyone else on here can block them. Then delete their hate.

I think that being outed will eventually make you stronger. It might upset your family to begin with but once you get through it and the family settle down, they will eventually see that you love your partner. You have no need to explain everything that happens in your bedroom. If they keep probing I would say well tell me all about your sex life then I will share mine.

I think I am writing this to let you know, yes, being outed can bring pain but it is not a permanent thing. People that love you now will love you after. They will go through a period of not understanding but if they see how happy you are they will drop their veneer of fear. If people refuse to understand and leave you, they never loved you and you are better off without them.

Finally hold your head up and never let anyone in that tries to say what you are doing is wrong.


S. and k.



5 Comments on “Outed

  1. I have a friend who was not just outed but cyber attacked for the same thing. This man has ‘friends’ and they have hijacked family accounts, outed private information as well as financial. Posted things in their name and so on. They have even gone as far as to find home addresses and stalk their residences.

    It’s important to be diligent in your safety online! Their situation has been going on for more than 2 years now, all because she refused someone’s advances.


      • I know it is scary but I didn’t do it to scare you. I am saying it so you can learn to protect yourself. On here I don’t think you can be outed but there can be nasty comments. I took a look at your pics and you are gorgeous so I doubt you will get haters. Have a look at my post Safety Issues and you will find a few things to make yourself safer. Please don’t be scared, be strong and protect yourself.


      • My comment was aimed at what nintje wrote, your article was great, reasonable and a good reminder to keep the eyes open and do not give too much information. A lot of those safety measures are already in place, but that shouldn’t mean we are safe and can let our guards down…

        Liked by 1 person

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