I got this idea from Nijntje and the Bear blog. I love the blog and Nijntje is really talented. She writes with a great deal of humour unless tackling a serious subject. I can recommend her site for people that are seeking knowledge about the lifestyle.
I am going to delve into my brain here and that can be messy. First I will talk about me as that is the easy bit. This is about what expectations or needs and wants I have from my relationship with S. With needs I don’t have things like I need to be spanked once a week. I mean I love it but it is not what I am talking about. My needs run deeper than that. I need to have respect from S. which I get. I need to have trust. I need to feel cherished and to feel safe. I need to be listened too and to have the space to open dialogue. I need to know if I don’t want to do something I can say so and it will be let go of. I need to feel loved by deeds not words. I need to be taken seriously, even though S. and I have quirky senses of humour. You know what I mean. That seems like an awfully big list but I get all of them from S. If I didn’t I would not hang around.
That doesn’t sound very twue submissive does it? I am glad it doesn’t.
Now my wants. I want to stop feeling scared when I sleep alone. I want to stop having nightmares. Hey now I am choosing impossible wants I will go for the biggies I want to not have Bipolar. I want to not have Diabetes. Now to more achievable ones. I want to spend the rest of my life with S. and always make him happy. I never want to break S.’s confidence. I want to have a room lined with shelves and full of books and spend the rest of my days reading. Said room must have a window seat and some really comfy chairs. I want my books to sell (non lifestyle books).
I am going to put in loves here too. I love Pina Colada’s, getting caught in the rain… no no I must be serious. I love the way S. strokes my skin. I love watching him engrossed in something. I love the way he is open to new ideas and concepts. I love the way my body responds to him. I loves his cuddles and kisses. I love that he likes to cook. I love that if I am gardening he will be right there helping, despite the fact he loathes gardening. I love the way his mind works. I love the way I can take quantum leaps in my conversation and he comes right along with me. I love how we are so well matched in life and in our sex life. I love the way my body responds when he growls the word kitten. I love his inventive mind especially in our dynamic sex life. I love the way he takes control of a situation, both in sex and in real life. I love to take care of him. I love the way he allows me to make a fuss of him if he is ill. I love the way he can cut through the chaos of my sometimes crazy mind. I love it when he says good girl.
Now for S.’s point of view. This is much harder but I know him so well.
S. needs to be cherished, loved respected and trusted. He needs to know I will say my safe word when needed. He needs me to communicate well about my health and emotions. He needs to have a relationship of complete honesty and openness. Well I have been that way with him and he has come to desire it. He always needs the last word and I let him * wink *. He has a need for romance. He has a need for fun. He has a need for time out to pursue his hobbies. He needs to keep me safe. He needs to make everything we do within my limits.
Now his wants.
He wants us to stay together for as long as we live. He wants me to rest when I need it. He wants to be there for me when I go through something like the cancer I have just been through. He wants me to be happy. He wants to grant me every fantasy I ever had or will have. He knows I am bisexual and he wants me to have that even if he isn’t there. I have said the only way I will do that is if he IS there. He wants to be a good husband as well as a good Top. He wants to give me some leeway with switching and with primal. He wants us to have balance within our relationship.
He loves when I am fiery. He loves when I am primal, either as predator or prey. He loves he has a lot of freedom within our dynamic as a couple. He loves we no longer have to talk about every scene before we go into it. He loves it when I say more. He loves that we are really well matched in desires for our dynamic. He loves that sometimes I say no. He loves it when I get bratty because he loves dealing with it. * wink *. He loves rough sex and not having to dial it down for me. He loves to make me orgasm lots. He loves that I am a free spirit and strong. He loves my quirks because they seem to match his own. He loves that we have and are able to use fluid consent. But he also loves to get my consent for anything that is new.
There are so many more but these lists are getting a bit too long. I have enjoyed delving in, now the question is how correct will it be when S. takes a look at it. I have no doubt he will quickly pull me up if I have erred.
Anyway this was fun. Perhaps you are thinking about writing some of these things in your blog, if you do leave a link in the comments and we can have a look too.
S and k.