Respect is one of my favourite words. I like the way it flows over the tongue and what it means. It is a word at the forefront of S. and my life. It comes way before BDSM, and is a foundation on which we base life on. Right from the first time we talk it was in every word we spoke to each other.
It is usually easy to be respectful to another person, well it is for me but in this day and age (God that makes me sound old) people seem to have lost the art of respect. Don’t get me wrong the people on here and who I have sort of got close to, have no problem with respect.
You just have to look in Fetlife to see the way respect goes out the door. The haters and trolls have the opposite of respect (disrespect, contempt). Anyway enough of that. I have heard that some people have suffered this treatment in WordPress which is horrible. If I see it I do my best to negate it and show my support.
Now back to the what this is about. When you decide to bring BDSM into your life respect is essentials. A top must respect Limits, both hard and soft ones. The Top must respect you enough to make a contract that must include respecting your limits and Safe Words and Gestures. He must treat you with respect by his actions and spoken words, unless stipulated to the contrary. There is no excuse for making you feel without confidence. During scenes it can blur the lines of respect but your limits and safe words will be respected. Afterwards aftercare is a form of love I know but also respect.
Trust is something that is linked with respect. Before you get into a BDSM relationship you need to engage your new partner and from what is said you gain trust. Make sure you allow him the chance to trust you too. Every time you go into a scene and you come out at the end happy and well. That is where you can earn trust.
Every time consent is broken it erodes or destroys your trust. Every time you do not use your safe word and it is discovered you are really hurt, trust is destroyed. Such breaks in trust can be hard to deal with or might destroy your relationship.
Every time a scene goes well it builds more and more trust. Your relationship can grow and blossom under those circumstances. Trust always go both ways. No matter how good a Top is they battle their own demons and trust and respect are the way to slay dragons. To a Top like mine, if he was to hit me way too hard, he needs to be sure I will say my safe word especially as I used to endure very high levels of pain. I respect him too much to do that to him. He would be mortified if he made me bleed with a paddle and he has his own set of limits. One of my limits is actually a wooden paddle with holes in it yet I know of someone that loves them.
Please have fun and stay safe.
S. and k.