A lot of lifestyle relationships have a list of guidelines set for the bottom and also for Tops. I say a guidelines because to me they are guidelines not intractable rules. I don’t like something that restricts me from being me. I don’t mind sharing a few things that I have but I won’t publish all of the guidelines as they are deeply personal. What I will do is offer a few suggestions that might make your own lists.
I do have to say that a list of guidelines can be formally written but you are not failing if you do not have one. You might have a deep understanding of what you can or should not do. For me it suits my submissive nature to have the list. I will also say if you bottoms have a list a Top also needs to make one as it is a formal way to list the guidelines of your relationship. S. and I sat down and negotiated these too as well as limits and safe words. I actually find it erotic to have one because it plays right into my submissiveness. Also if I ignore them it is a fine measure of my brattiness. Now brattiness does not equate to a spanking but sometimes it just may. S. is of the belief that if something needs discipline I should not be rewarded with something I love. That encourages bad behaviour. So here goes…
- I will not ignore consent or breakthrough it.
- I will take care of the welfare and health, both physically and mentally, of my partner.
- I will not break any limits.
- I will stop a scene if a safe word or gesture is spoken or given and I will sit and talk about it. I will then make sure each of us is happy.
- After an impact scene or bondage I will inspect for any marks and abrasions. I will then spend as much time as is necessary with after care.
- I will not use bondage unless I have learned about it.
- I will also be open to both normal conversations and Meta Talks (talks outside of the Top / Bottom conversations).
- I will be open to negotiations concerning our life.
- I will not abuse my partner in any way nor will I break down confidence. I will encourage growth and help them blossom outside of a scene.
- I will not force my partner into a scene if unwell or emotionally overwrought.
I am having trouble of thinking of more but you get the general idea.
- No wearing of bras or panties barring special occasions
- No touching of sexual zones or orgasms unless allowed by the Top
- No orgasms without asking unless specified by your Top.
- No spending hours on social media to the detriment of real life
- If a member of Fetlife, your profile and friends and private messages must be approved by the Top. He will also protect you from trolls and haters. This is one of mine and I love the way S. protects me. He also asks Tops to message him first to get his permission to talk with me. It is written on my profile. I asked him to do that because he can delete without me seeing a PM if it is gross. He lets me speak with people if they are respectful without limits of their role in the lifestyle. The main thing he dislikes is PM’s from Doms with no permission asked and with only dick pics on their profiles. I asked for all of these things all he asked was for me to friend him so he could read my feeds. I also gave him my sign in details to use. That is just us. I like to be completely open with him.
- We also have one that says I can buy things up to $100 without consulting him but things over that should be talked about even if it is on the phone with pictures. This also applies to S. It isn’t really a guideline but a financial practice. We are both impulse buyers.
- There can be other guidelines for clothing such as when wearing a corset it must be an under bust one or a half cup or even concerning bed wear if you wear it.
- There can be medical ones too. As a diabetic I have to eat proper meals so my guideline is I must eat two meals a day plus a snack. This is a disciplinary guideline.
- As above one of mine is that I must ensure I take my meds at the right time.
- A collar must be worn at all times unless told otherwise by the Top. Another one of mine.
- Clothes may be chosen for you to wear by the Top but he might also give the bottom permission to pick their own.
- The bottom may not speak badly of them selves. This is a disciplinary guideline
- The bottom will endeavour to keep their grooming in good order.
- If you can wear underwear it will be sexy lingerie not Reg Grundies. (Aussie term for granny knickers and worn bras with no support)
Well now my brain is empty and if you want, you can post your own guidelines in comments which would be interesting to read. If you are like me consider it personal I do understand. If you have no guidelines it can be fun negotiating them. On the other hand if you feel they are too confining and don’t want one that is fine too.
What I am trying to achieve here is show you little segments of submission and letting you pick what suits you. I don’t believe in labels so make you own minds up what suits you. If you don’t have guidelines it doesn’t mean you are not submissive, you are just your own kind of submissive. Just as long as you are happy cos that is what I aim for in this blog.
Have fun and remain safe.
S. and k.