It would have been great if I had known these things before starting in my first relationship. I was eighteen at the time. They were learned the hard, painful way and if one person reads this and takes my warnings seriously, it will be worth exposing myself like this.

Just because a man considers himself a gentleman doesn’t mean he is. He might have an ‘outside’ manner but in private he is someone else. Even at events he will be gentle and kind to others.

At the very beginning, when you are charmed by the way he treats you, don’t assume he will always keep this demeanour. They say there is no reason for limits because they are gentle and kind. Up until then he really was, so you say ok.

At the beginning when you are spanked he introduces pleasure. Pain then pleasure. Do you understand what this does to a mind? It is a form of brain washing. Pain then pleasure over and over until there is no resistance. It becomes something that you will endure just to get the pleasure. When you have no limits it is cruel. It gives the person total power over you. Soon you also grow to need the subspace that comes as a way to escape. It also can lead to sub drop and when no one helps you through that clinical depression follows close behind.

Why didn’t I leave? I had nowhere to go and absolutely no money of my own. I had no friends I could contact. I was stuck fast.

He was my master and I, his slave. I looked after him totally. There was nothing I wouldn’t do no matter how depraved. I was shared and did live sex in peoples homes. I didn’t hate any of it because I thought this was normal.

I wanted to do physics at University but I was asked, why would you want to do that? End of topic be quiet. I was to be seen but not heard. We never had any meaningful discussions, I mean what would I have to talk about? Pat on the head, ‘Now make me a coffee.’

I think I have shown you enough for you to understand how it was for me.

Two years after he died I found Sir. He tells me there was something about my mind that intrigued him. I know I was fragile. Somehow he knew I was but he talked to me, not about the lifestyle, well not all the time and mostly it was me leading the sex talks. He liked my quick mind, my sense of humour, even though I found his sense of humour to be very irreverent. There were many OMG’s said after some of his jokes.

As we talked I grew bolder even though I only tested in very small ways. I actually lost the last of my shackles last week. I used to wear my previous lifestyle with pride. I was this and I was that. Now I am just me. The person I love knows who I am and I know him and that is the way I like it. Neither of us liked labels and we have shrugged them off.

I am free.

 

Sir and kitten

 

If you have questions I will answer them. If I can’t Sir will. …Contact Us

All comments are appreciated.

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4 Comments on “Things I should have known before my first BDSM relationship

    • I think sometimes you have to open up to perhaps let people know how you can sometimes be drawn into a situation where you have no idea where you will end up.

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  1. Irreverent me? I just might resemble that remark! I like you free best kitten

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