Labels within B.D.S.M. are common and so very misleading. Take Dominant, everyone knows it is a person that takes control of a sexual encounter and orders a submissive to do anything they want, right? They also dominate out of the bedroom, running the household, right? …Wrong. I mean there are perfectly happy people that work that way but they are not common. It is difficult to maintain too so they have my respect. Having someone totally dependant on you is a great responsibility. Again if you manage to do this I take my hat off to you. If you would like to see how it works perhaps go visit Fetcetera and message dirtyserf or read her blog as I believe she and her partner are very close and have the complete M/s dynamic 24/7. They are also very happy.
The same goes with submission. I have spoken about myself and Sir’s relationship before and it vastly different from the classical 24/7 D/s relationship. We take a little bit from column A and a little more from column B with a smidge of C.
Take the meaning of Masochism, I do like pain and a little humiliation which sound very masochistic but there are times I can’t take it. Sometimes it just hurts like hell and my body does not respond to it. Time for us to adapt. If a Top loves his partner they will be happy to moderate the pain and humiliation to suit each scene. We adapted and it will always be a situation to situation thing. Just a quick question or a knowing observation is enough to change the circumstances.
The same goes with the word Sadist. The Marquis de Sade is one of the known example of sadism but if you read his books he was mainly a writer of bawdy stories. Today, for some reason being sadistic becomes a word associated with serial killers so has picked up a very negative image. It isn’t like that at all. A good sadistic Dominant will give enough pain to enhance your sexual experience but limits must be adhered to.
One of the best writers within the B.D.S.M. is Spanish Red and her blog is The Ochre Muse. She is wise, very funny and down to earth. She offers amazing insights to the dynamics of B.D.S.M.
When describing yourself remember the rules, there are none. Be yourself and you will not go wrong. So what if you aren’t the stereotypical image of calm acceptance you think a submissive should be. That is just a road to heartache if you are unable to do things that make you feel uncomfortable. Look inside yourself and walk through your mind unafraid. Dare to be different and authentic, then find someone to share your life with. Knowledge and understanding are your allies to be truly happy.
Other great sites are nijntje & The Bear
Each one gives a different slant on the lifestyle. If you take the time to read them you might find more knowledge.
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Sir and kitten