My submission is not simply something I do during scenes. Yes, it is at the fore of a scene unless it is primal. Primal is that wild animal sex where I let go of all my submissiveness and become a tigress. Sir is just as wild. He is the tiger to my tigress. It is purely sex. No binding, no sweet submission just pure animal fucking with slaps and scratches and biting. Sometimes Sir will get me so aroused without the chance to orgasm he will have me straddle him and then tells me to ride him. That is the one thing I lose myself in. I am a wild woman. I can’t hear anything and all I can feel is my needy greedy sex. I don’t have to ask permission to cum, I can’t find the words anyway. I cry out, I scream and I ride his cock as if that is all there is in this world. His cock inside me. Sir can control himself so that he doesn’t cum before I have worked out all my needs. I am only able to utter two words, shit and fuck. I scratch him, bite him and just become an animal. That is so far from submissive it sometimes scares me. He then overpowers me and I become the prey. It is a classic predator/prey scene and I can be both predator and prey and I enjoy both.
However, back to my submissive me. I can wake in the morning, usually earlier than Sir but he will rouse enough to take my hand and will murmur, ‘Stay, kitten.’ I climb back under the blankets and snuggle into him. To me this is a loving submission, not a sexual one. The chance to snuggle will never grow annoying. I mean my pet name is kitten and kittens love snuggling under the blanket, in cosy warm places. Sir calls me kitten a few times during the day and it is just a pet name. He also calls me angel, brat when I am naughty and then he uses my real name. If I tell you my real name, then, well the internet will melt down and that would not make for a happy world, hehehehehe.
Sir and I share a warped sense of humour and we can also be sarcastic which enhances our relationship. He will come up to me and kiss my neck, but he can be a stealth walker and I can also scream bloody murder. Anything thrown or dropped at this stage is automatic and Sir knows to duck. He is very playful but if I begin too get rambunctious he will use the Domly ‘kitten’ and do the eyebrow thing. That is not playing fair which guarantees a sulk from me. …’Stand in the corner for being a brat’. I go to the place I detest and stare at the wall. I have a zillion insults rolling through my mind but I keep them to myself because fifteen minutes in this place seems like a death sentence. I fidget, I put my weight on one foot then the other. I sigh a lot. I am a grown assed woman, why don’t I just walk away? Hmmmmm I don’t feel very submissive right now. I feel like a bloody three year old stuck in the corner. Steam is coming from my ears. Then I want to laugh. I WAS being bratty. This damned blank wall starts to mellow me out. Ok, perhaps I had taken things a bit too far. Yeah I definitely did. I am backing down quickly and when Sir finally tells me I can come out of the corner I sit down in the chair beside him and apologize. Then it is gone, all passed and the day has started afresh.
We could be having a debate and I hate to lose. As Sir has warned me, he is never wrong lol and normally he wins the debate. At this point I normally either back down knowing he is right or argue onward. When I am in full flight arguing about something silly Sir reverts to the Domly ‘kitten’ and the eyebrow thing. The tone in his voice is like a yard stick, number one is starts at ok I am enjoying the debate but it is time to put away your claws right up to ‘say one more word and you are in deep doo doo’. The last one makes me mad but I can’t fight it. I shut up and do something to take my mind off it. I have to say here normally I am arguing simply to be stubborn. Yes I can be very stubborn.
Sir was used to living alone except for his kids when we got together and as I am an Aussie my habits are different to Sir’s but among Aussie girls I am different too. I love to look after Sir. I like to do his washing, ironing, keep our house nice, things like that. He is used looking after himself. A 50’s type partner is something he isn’t used to. I know I am setting feminism back years but to me it is not a submissive thing, it is a loving thing. I think he is beginning to get used to it. I must say that Sir does so many things to care for me too. He loves to cook and is a good cook so we share cooking duties.
Sir does not like to say the word ‘kitten’ and then drag me down to where we mostly play. He believes in foreplay that lasts for hours. He fucks my mind before he fucks my body. There is some pretty heavy flirting which we both enjoy and also some teasing. He will hold me and I am so ready to go downstairs I might make a little needy sound like a moan and he will kiss me then say, ‘Not yet kitten.’
I have submission right through me and it is reflected through what I think and do, but it is not a calm, serene feeling. I have a spark and a freedom and a sense of rebellion always which sometimes runs in conflict to the submission. It is not something that get’s me into too much trouble and Sir never wants to get rid of it. He tells me he can see the fight in my eyes and to watch it battle with my submissive nature, he can see the submission win. That to him is the most powerful thing in being my Dominant.
Once given, my submission is not weak, trembling, or afraid it is proud, depthless, like an ocean. There is fire within, as my passion is a inferno. My submission smoulders and runs through my body engulfing everything. There is nothing else but me and my Sir.
Because of being rather small, plus I was attacked all those years ago, I have my scars and when out and about I stick close to Sir and hold his hand. It is a quirk but I know enough to say that is just for the moment because change always happens. I will go out on my own if I need to. I will do the important things like secret present buying. I don’t hold his hand because I can’t go on my own. I do it because he is there and I love the connection. Shhhh don’t even hint that I can’t go out alone as Sir will send me out to different places without him. He is all about empowering me, not doing things to make me more dependant or scared.
I think the label ‘submissive’ is a word to put a heading on the long list of things that I am. I am not just one word. I am a sentence. There are conflicting qualities that remain qualities no matter what they are. I am an essay not a single word and so are all of you out there. Just recognise all of the things you are and embrace them. They do not diminish you they complete you and your submission. I will never be the girl that drops to my knees to lick my Sir’s boot when he points to the ground. I will never grovel. I will crawl to him but it will be the most sexy assed crawl he has ever seen and when I get to him he better be ready for the tigress.
Well that’s me and I hope you can take something from this and think about yourself too. You are glorious, wonderful people and never forget that.
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Sir and kitten