Observation is one very large and underrated subject. It is essential for both the Dominant and submissive. A Dominant needs to look for so many signs in his submissive. He needs to see when she is happy, sad, sexual, or emotional. It is vital to him, it is the watchfulness and you need you be aware of it. A simple glance can send a whole conversation to your Dominant.
Similarly a submissive can tell much from the look of her Dominant. You can see weariness, hunger, (not for food), ‘I need my space’ look and simply his ‘I love you’ face. You will respond almost imperceptibly and he will see that too.
Observation is key in every relationship but in BDSM it vital for the submissive’s well being. A lot of submissives feel like they are letting you down if they say it. Then it is up to you to watch them and look for signs that tell you it is enough. Observation gives you a different perspective to any scene. You know how she normally reacts and if it is different slow down or stop.
A big part of observation is body language. A Dom can’t go into a scene thinking he is going to whip submissive’s body twenty times. He must warm you up and he will know when you have reached that point where the pain can be increased he will see that. All the time, he will be looking for the response to pain. They will know you well enough to see any different reactions, well they will if you have been together for a while. Take little steps and let your Dom learn you like braille. Let him see every nuance of you. Let him see your pleasure the way pain affects you, how his dominance rains down on you. Show him how much your submission affects you. Don’t be afraid to do this. It is the ultimate goal of a good Dominant.
Look at him to see his reactions to your submission, learn what makes him happy. Dominance isn’t a neat little box of things to do. It is more of a magical mystery tour. It is that way with submission too.
This is about watching for things that don’t work and things that do. You can’t learn everything in one scene. There are too many variables to do that accurately. This is a long study over time. I am of the belief that happiness with a D/s relationship is love and kindness, but that is just me. I am an old-fashioned girl.
You will find your own way, no doubt. I hope you find the dynamic that is right for you. I will say though is stay strong and do not accept anything that is not right for you.
This is from Sir:-
Observation can be essential for things like, the necklace that made her face light up in June that you go back later and get it for Christmas, or that little Mexican restaurant she liked so much that one time you take her to again, when she is sure you forgot about it. Just because you are in a certain lifestyle doesn’t mean you forget about romance.
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Have fun and be safe.
Sir and kitten