Fantasies, flights of fancy, dreams we weave. I am speaking of sexual fantasies and often, they become part of our journey through our sexuality. Within the whole BDSM scene, to have fantasies and to go after them takes a great deal of courage. Young people of 18+ are frowned upon within the BDSM communities, because they have no real experience of what is fantasy and what is real. Anyone that is older that brags about what they can do is just the same. A lifetime does not make a good Dom, he could have had a life time of mistakes.
I had sexual fantasies at a young age of being tied up. Nothing sexual but as I look back on my life I can now see that they were. When I played ‘cowboys and Indians’ I was the poor girl caught and tied up. I was sometimes a settler and something and Indian Princess. As I grew up and in my teens I liked the idea of handcuffs and being helpless.
When it became sexual I would imagine all kinds of dire things happening to me. I wondered how it would feel to be kidnapped and used sexually. That would normally end with me masturbating and I would cum so powerfully.
For Young People (Newbies)
The first fantasies a young person has are the delectable ones, being tied up, handcuffs, having a man or woman controlling your desires and your body. Perhaps you have a desire to be spanked, or to be part of a harem. These sort of fantasies are innocent and not too kinky because millions of people have the very same ones. Even Vanilla people.
Do you want to explore your fantasies? What is the next step? Do you rush headlong into a kinky website? I wouldn’t. Read books, get some toys, on line if you are too shy to go to the adult shop down the road. Research.
If you have a boy/girl friend, if you feel brave enough, talk to them about it. I mean wanting to try handcuffs is an easy thing to talk about. Most Vanilla, the muggles of BDSM, have tried the handcuffs. Men will even try the spanking scene. So it is fine to try them. The thing you might notice is once these things become a part of your sex life, you might long for more. Still more fantasies. What do you do next? Again talk to your partner and ask if they want to try different things, have them open up so you don’t feel so vulnerable. They may be keeping them quiet, worried you will think them weird or sick. My best advice to both parties is to just move forward slowly and in steps.
I would recommend you read the other articles here and discover what you are most comfortable with or drawn to. However, don’t only take my advice, look around here there are some wonderful sites, for example:-
The Ochre Muse https://theochremuseblog.wordpress.com/ and she writes amazing fiction and award winning poetry. She is a very experienced lady as well as very respectful. Lol she also has an amazing sense of humour which is essential in all of this.
Lady Clio Musings. https://ladycliomuses.wordpress.com/ she is a very gentle person and very insightful. She is also Dominant but cares deeply for her sub’s. She has bags of information for you to read.
Miss Lunissa. I like this lady too, https://awonderfullydarkjourney.wordpress.com/about/
These are just a few and from each one you can find other sites to visit. You might see a reference to Fetlife.com. If you are young please don’t go there as it is full on and may overwhelm you. It is strictly 18+.
Older People 30-40 years old Wanting to Experience Kink.
With age comes wisdom but it can also come with a padlock on your fantasies. If you are here I would guess you are having fantasies of BDSM scenes. I would think they are quite well formed from the years you have in making them. They can also have a big influence on your life. They can be insidious and make you frustrated and empty.
I am almost forty and I still have some very wonderful and strong fantasies. As I am in a long term BDSM I have told Sir about them as they crop up and we go there in real life.
If you are in a long time relationship with a healthy sex life but your fantasies just won’t go away then you can go in a few directions.
- Try to ignore them. It becomes very difficult to do that and is very frustrating.
- Wade through thousands of sites and masturbating all on your own. Tends to make you feel guilty and it can become an addiction.
- Pack it all in a mental wooden chest and store it in the darkest corner of your mind.
- Buy a BDSM porn movie and watch it with your partner. It can lead to a meaningful discussion.
- Talk to your partner and ask them if they have fantasies like yours. This is the best way but also needs a ton of courage.
Experienced BDSM couples.
Now to you more experienced BDSM people out there. Fantasies have a different place in your sex life because you are living them already. However, you may be in a relationship but you still have unfulfilled fantasies. If your relationship is a place where you don’t communicate or perhaps you are shy because they are darker fantasies.
Dark fantasies are fine if it is consensual and it doesn’t inflict actual physical harm. You want to be choked not die of asphyxiation. I recommend you just bite the bullet and talk about it. We are talking about a person that wants you to have all of your fantasies fulfilled if possible. They may be unable to do the actual fantasy but knowing it, they might be able to bring an approximation of it for you.
Talking is the life blood of any BDSM relationship you will have a list of limits (which can be altered by the person who’s list it is.) A Dom might have new things he wants to try and it should be negotiated. He might want the Daddy/lil scene and it is up to you if you want to try it. You might have been thinking about it too. It could be to take you to a room in your home that is rigged out like a dungeon.
I will never want a rape scene and lots of tops might think you would like it to happen. What I would recommend is looking at a Consensual/Non Consensual scenes and most Tops would point you in the right direction. I will, and have negotiated a Consensual/ Non Consensual scene. We spoke about it for quite a while. Then we did it and it was amazing. We will be doing it again.
There are some scenes that maybe be great in your mind and it turns you on completely when you think about it but the reality can be the exact opposite. Keep those in a chest in the furthest reaches of your mind. You can speak of them with your Top but then say I don’t think that will be good in reality. Trust your Top but don’t agree to any part of this dark desire as it can take you to ugly places. I have seen a great deal of damage done to a person while trying to fulfil these dark things. Your safety comes before a scene. It can also damage the Top if it goes too far.
Tops also have wonderful fantasies that bring so many pleasant feelings and emotions. However, don’t be talked into doing something that you don’t wish to. You have your list of limits and you can add to it.
The thing about fantasies is just they are flights of fantasy, a dream or a misty thing without true form. If you try them and they do live up to your visions, wonderful. If not chalk it up to experience.
Have fun and stay safe.
Sir and kitten
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