There is one important question that I haven’t talked about and it should have been one of the first. It is about foundations and what you come together and build on. I guess it really comes down to what you are looking for.
So you have done all the Limits, hard and soft. You trust this person enough to live together and you have had scenes together and they were fine. If you have spoken your safe word and everything stopped and you were comforted. When being bound every part of it was done with great vigilance and care.
Is your Dominant loving and generous with his time when not in scenes? Does he do nice things for you? Will he cook you a meal just because he thinks you deserve it? He may do all of these things or just a couple. There are a lot of things he might do for you but as a person not just as your Dominant.
And for you Dominants, does your submissive show you little kindnesses just because she thinks you needed it? Does she try to do little romantic things for you? Does she enjoy taking care of you? Does she prepare romantic candle lit dinners? Again there are so many things she can do to show she cares.
Now about the D/s relationship. Have you both been completely open about what you like and what you don’t? Have you talked about your darkest fantasies? If you haven’t and one day, when you have been in the relationship for years, you can’t suddenly say I want you to tar and feather me and chase me around the house. And yes that was meant to make you laugh but it gives you an idea about what I mean. A submissive can’t suddenly want something so dark it seems impossible for your Dominant to do, as it will harm you. On the other hand it might terrify your submissive if you tell her you want to stick needles in her flesh. Be completely open with the things you keep buried away so they don’t rise up and cause a rift.
I do realize that we sometimes see something or hear something we would like to try and they are fine if they fall within the realms of what is known about each other. That is when you begin to negotiate. New things are the life blood of a good relationship and I am not saying to cut off new experiences. I am saying make sure they fall into the parameters you have spoken of, like level of pain or humiliation or sex.
I am one of the luckiest woman/submissives in the world. I have love as the foundation to Sir and mine BDSM lifestyle. We can slide quickly between the D/s times and the other times when we are not so easily. I would highly recommend dating, and romantic dinners and the such. They are the life blood of any relationship. Once you leave the restaurant, you go home and are suddenly confronted by your Dominant in all his glory, slide girls and enjoy it.
It really is easy.
Have fun and stay safe.
Sir and kitten
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