I never knew what I wanted until you told me. Sounds terrible doesn’t it? Would it sound better if I said I love this man with my whole heart? I met him when I felt pretty fractured and I had come out of a previous relationship where I had been a slave and in that relationship I did all I was told. There was no c/nc sex there was just the NC part. I just did as I was told. I had been groomed for two years then brought into the Master/slave relationship. I honestly loved this man and considered myself lucky to be with him. I was shared, and whipped without limits and I still bear the scars. Quite honestly I considered myself a pain slut. (no harm in it as long as you have a choice) I begged for him to give me a child and he did. I have a wonderful daughter. The best thing I have from him.
He became very sick and died. I was left a slave without an owner. I had offers from other Masters but I wanted out. I wanted to bring up my child away from the lifestyle.
Fast forward a few years and I felt so lonely. I had my previous Master’s gay friend watching over me and helping me with the things in life I had no idea about, like paying bills, checking my bank statements. All of those sort of things. My master had left me well off and my kindly friend and adviser would do the visits to the accountant.
About this time I felt so lonely so I thought why not try to find a friend on the net?
I met a really cool guy in a chat room and it wasn’t a BDSM site either. We talked for ages and he gently coaxed out of me the history of my sex life. I think he was shocked, but the concept of me being submissive intrigued him and he liked the idea. He called himself dominant but not A DOMINANT, and he drew me in. It was not in a sinister way, it was coming from a place of care and gentleness.
He made me laugh, and that is the biggest turn on for me. He did say that if I wanted to get together he was unable to treat me like my previous Master had.
He wasn’t into taking my choices away, in fact he made me make choices. He got me to stand on my own two feet with the bills and other day to day things.
The other thing he talked about was me having a bit if fire in me. I really couldn’t understand why he wanted to see rebellion. He even told me if I slapped his face I would have to deal with what happened to him (all good btw, just wild sex). Me, slap a dominant?… I can’t do it.
Obviously I had a man that really doesn’t want to dominate me.
How wrong could I be?
We talked limits both hard and soft. I had a problem where my mind took me to terrible places and when I was like that my Master would whip me hard and leave me bound for ages. It actually worked to quell those demons. Those dark needs overwhelmed me and I couldn’t see this new man wanting to do that to me. To his credit he did say he would try to take me there. Inside I knew he would not like to do that.
Well He became my Dom and I his sub. We went through scenes and I obeyed him. He showed me loving sex, loves to tie me up, loves to spank me. All the things that give me pleasure.
One day I knew there was something on his mind and when I asked we talked about putting away the BDSM and live a vanilla life for a while. I thought ok but in my mind I was ready for him to say goodbye. I questioned what I had done wrong. I agreed because I didn’t want him to leave. The sex we had was wonderful. I could take charge or he would lead. I quickly realized how sexual I really was. It felt profound and life altering.
After a few months I felt lost so we had a talk and I said I felt unsafe, lost and I wanted to go back to the Dom/sub relationship. I said it and held my breath. I just had to ask.
He gave a huge sigh and then said, ‘What had I learned about myself?’
I said I was submissive and I love that. I loved him with all my heart. I was his equal, independent and free. I would choose to kneel before him even if I didn’t want to. He would see the fire in me. I fight, I rebel but I am interesting and no push over. I obey because I want to not to just endure. He will see my enjoyment not a blank look as I put up with something.
Now he is truly my Dominant and I am his submissive, and yes I have slapped him and woke up the dragon and it was amazing.
He is mine and I am his.
And that is how he told me what I wanted.
Have fun and stay safe.
Sir and kitten
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