This is a subject given to me by my Sir and it is a very important thing to do. I have mentioned before that, at the beginning of a porn clip, the ‘Dominant‘ and ‘submissive‘ of the clip will discuss what they enjoy. The submissive will say what she likes and what she doesn’t. How much pain she likes, what part of the body she will accept the pain, even if she want’s penetrating sex, oral sex, deep throating, anal, the works. Next they go through her safe words and gestures. There will be an interview after the scene to see how the poor whipped submissive is, and they are happy and laughing.
The Dominant normally asks questions too if she likes bound breasts, suspension bondage and he is the one that asks about her safe word and gestures. So you see every care is taken and they are all great actors.
However, this example is ok for actors and pretend BDSM. When you are in a new relationship, this must be done very carefully as you don’t want it to go wrong. You must have explored pain levels before negotiating so you can say ok to say level 8 green of pain. For women this is very important because during certain times of the month you may feel pain more acutely. There maybe times you don’t want your breasts touched.
Pregnant women can still lead a D/s relationship but you will have to negotiate what you can do without harming the baby. I would not do suspension in that state but I have see it done and there was no problem but it was done by a Master of Shibari. Please don’t use rough sex while pregnant either. These are common sense but must be put into negotiating just so no mistakes happen.
If you are at a lifestyle party and intend to have a pick up scene, negotiating is essential you have to talk about all things sexual like, vaginal sex or anal, pain and bondage. You must say safe words and gestures. Don’t leave out a thing. If they want you, you set the ground rules.
I have told Sir there is only one thing I would ever do with another man and Sir has to be there. I would help them with bondage by being the bottom but I would never do it naked or allow any sexual play. Sometimes they have bondage days and it is tough for the Tops that do not have a bottom.
My Sir would do the negotiating for me in that scenario.
If we found a lady to share a scene with both Sir and I, we would do a three way negotiation.
Just remember this advice and please take the time to do it before each scene for new partners and you will find it will happen less and less as your relationship develops.
Have fun and stay safe.
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