The first thing I want to say here is I hate labels. They quantify, constrict us and lead us to different places and some of those places are not where we hoped to be. I mean if you try to live up to a stereotypical role you become locked into a situation that maybe has things you don’t want to do. You are meant to love these things because you are a submissive. I mean really, are you being serious? Therefore I try not to put myself into categories, that way I can say I am just me. I have mentioned on here that I am bi-sexual and I am but I mentioned it that way so that you would understand. I didn’t mention that I do not have sex with women all the time, or go on the prowl for prospective lovers. I am more fluid about it. When it comes along I embrace it. So is that what bi-sexuals do?
I asked my Sir if he considered himself a Sadist? I was shocked because he loves to show me the pain I desire. He said that the word places him in a stereotypical place and there are many sadistic things he does not enjoy. Some even he finds distasteful. Hence the ‘No, I am not a sadist’.
I have said I enjoy pain, but it isn’t all we indulge in. Sir isn’t right all the time and I will challenge that. Sometimes, when my joints are sore, rope won’t appeal to me and I can say so. However he is pretty damned spot on with his observations.
I am a normal woman with my strengths and frailties. Sir and I live a beautiful life but we don’t spend every moment locked in bondage and submissive scenes. I don’t have the energy for that. It is my belief that relationships happen when two people bump into each other. They take a time to get to know each other and they are either right or wrong for each other. The normal grind of life doesn’t disappear because I have my Sir. We have bills to pay, health concerns and sometimes we fight.
Sir is not super human nor am I. I am not a perfect angel of submissiveness. I don’t ever want to become one either because it isn’t real. I am me, kitten. I have faults, I can be bloody annoying, I can change moods in a blink of an eye. I’m Bi-Polar which always makes life interesting. Bi-Polar is not a fault but it does impact on a relationship. I am lucky because I have a man that knows how to help me function. I also have a good handle on it and mostly I mentally control myself but sometimes with his help. I have always thought I was high maintenance but he assures me I’m not.
Sir has moods, let’s me know exactly when I say or do something wrong. This sounds ominous but his biggest dislike is when I put myself down. There is something I have asked him to kick my butt for, and that is Passive Aggression. That is insidious so he lets me know if I do it. So therefore his discipline is positive. As for the bad behaviour I probably deserve discipline.
He sometimes needs to be alone and that is fine we all need our own spaces. He has been called a smart ass and he can be. When I asked him what he thought were his bad habits He said, self-centred I have to say he is never self-centred with me. He also said he thinks he is always right, but I have to say I sometimes have proved him wrong, but not very often. Contrary to the stereo typical image he has a rapier sharp wit and can have me falling about laughing. He will stoop down to buckle up my shoes if I need his help. The big thing is, he takes bloody great care of me and I do the same for him.
This is a living, breathing ever-changing relationship and one I never take for granted. You can’t quantify something like this. The whole thing of regular scenes, two bondage scenes a week and a man walking around the house dressed in a suit and white shirt being all Domly is just a fantasy. The only ones to set your dynamic is you and your partner as it is with Sir and I.
If I was to describe myself I would say I am intelligent, strong, free to do as I please, with some darkness in my soul. I am very tactile I also have good imagination. The one thing that is deep inside me is something that makes me want to kneel before my Sir, no one else, just him. That’s it. So very straight forward. Yes I have a sense of humour and I am a good cook. None of those things make for what people think of when they think submissive and don’t care what they think of me. My Sir loves me like this and that is all that matters.
Sir is caring, loving, and tactile. He loves to tie me up and even spank or whip me, our form of direct foreplay, but the loving emotional foreplay can start in the morning. He puts my needs before his when we have sex. He waits until I am sated then he brings his needs into the equation. Is that Domly? He controls me a lot but it is to do with scenes. We have an equality that never leaves us even in scenes.
Ask yourself this question… What am I?
Know yourself and don’t be afraid to show who your are. Only then can you survive a wonderful relationship, vanilla or BDSM. Yes you will feel vulnerable but this changes as your relationship grows. Understand your partner. Take nothing less from your partner and then sort out the things you bring to each other.
Have fun and be safe
If you have questions. We will protect your privacy. We do not spam, or send endless newsletters, we simply answer your questions. Nor are we selling anything. If you wish to try erotic writing also submit here. You will be given full credit. Contact us… here
If you have a comment to make please use the section at the bottom of the page. Your feedback is appreciated.
Sir and kitten,