This is a very important subject that should have been put close to the beginning of the blog so for that I am sorry.
NO MEANS NO
There are many reasons for saying no.
- You feel uneasy about something that has been proposed and do not wish to do it.
- You feel uneasy with your partner in the scene.
- If your safe word has been ignored.
- If you meet someone and they want you to go back to their hotel room or home.
- If you are happy to have sex but they spring a BDSM scene in.
- If you are on a date and they want sex but you don’t.
- If they take you to a place you didn’t agree to go.
- If the partner, tells you, you are ready for the scene and should try it.
- If your boyfriend or husband wants to do something you don’t.
The moment your consent is ignored it becomes RAPE
Many people don’t report these things because they are afraid to be open about their sexuality. They also do not want to come out because they were in a bondage scene and they don’t believe the police with investigate. They are also worried that the culprit will just say you never said stop and you agreed to do it.
Now here is an important list
- You were violated.
- You were raped.
- If it was a partner or a husband they do not have the right to rape you.
- If they say they didn’t hear you saying a safe word or a NO They are lying.
- If they do this to you one time they will do it again
- You can never trust them again but if you choose to stay with them it will fuck you up.
- If they are a bully that is living his own fantasies he will destroy your confidence and could even threaten your life.
What to do if this happens to you:-
- Go to the police or the hospital if you are injured. At the hospital, they will call the police for you. You have the right to ask for female Doctors and Nurses. They will record any marks or injuries.
- Seek medical advice for your emotional well being and your physical injuries if there are any. Also ask the Doctor to refer you to a good Psychologist.
- If you can’t do that, speak to a Good Samaritan help line. You need to talk to someone. Keeping it to yourself might take you to a terrible mental state.
- If you have any feelings of guilt or blame get rid of them because YOU DID NOTHING WRONG AND YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. Sadly many people go through this and it goes unreported.
- If you were in a live in circumstance then leave and do not go back for your belongings alone. Either go with a police man or a male friend. Do not tell the culprit where you are living.
- If you can’t afford to pay for a place to stay, try a women’s refuge.
- Stay away from staying with a friend unless there is another choice. If you are in a long term situation they will know your friends and it will be the first places they look.
- If they beg you to come back and say they will never do it again, it is like wife beaters, they usually do it again.
- If you met on line go back to the site and post a warning. They will not allow you to use his name or online name. At Fetlife if you have been raped by a Fetlife member, they will investigate and offer a skilled person for you to speak to. If some one asks you who it was tell them. If it is in Fetlife, talk to the people in charge in a private message You can also tell the owner of the site so they can decide to ban the person that committed the crime.
- When fully physically fit take your safety into your own hands and learn some form of self defence. It will make you feel stronger emotionally.
All of these things sound drastic but you deserve to be in control of your sexual desires and physical well-being. No one has the right to take that from you.
To me consent is a powerful word and something I insist on being known for.
There was a time in my life when my consent meant a big fat ZERO and the situation almost caused my death. I have done much in my past to tackle my emotions about it. I am strong and fearless now. I learned to fight back physically too. I might only be five foot tall but I can do my share of ass whooping. I have fought my way back to a place of strength and nothing will take that away from me again.
Please be safe out there.
If you have questions. We will protect your privacy. We welcome any questions but I won’t talk about what happened to me because it has nothing to do with my lifestyle. We won’t spam you or send endless newsletters nor are we selling anything. If you want to give erotic writing a go then contact us… here
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Sir and kitten