This is an article for all you new Dominants or if you are considering becoming a Dominant.
This is a time for you to discover what kind of things turn you on when you think about being Dominant. It is something that can start from very humble beginnings and has the potential to be the beginning of a completely different existence.
You need to explore your desires and know them very well before you consider becoming a Dominant because you will need to understand them to find a submissive that enjoys them too. Once that is done, the mundane, but equally important things need to be settled. You need to set out a list of rules you wish to find in your submissive. Much of this will happen after you become involved with someone.
As a dominant you too will have a set of limits both hard and soft. These are things you have no wish to do to any submissive. Like…
· Whip with a heavy whip and cut the skin.
· Stick needles into their body.
. Heavily beat them.
If you want those things then make sure your prospective submissive knows what they are in for.
I am not saying to write this list but have it in your mind and over time bring these things up and compare notes, so to speak, with your partner.
Being a Dominant has nothing to do with you being bossy and trying to bend a submissive to your will.
Being a Dominant is making yourself the best you can be and then a submissive will offer you her submissiveness. There is a huge difference in the two things.
The role of the Dominant is to be the submissive’s protection as they makes themselves vulnerable to you. To guide them through the scene with you and to ensure none of their limits are broken. To ensure any bindings you place on your partner cause them harm. Also you must discover and honour safe words and gestures.
If you have read this blog you will know the types of things expected in a good Dom. The question now is, can you be like that? Can you earn their trust, fulfil their dreams and take them to the dark desires they never speak of? Can you read their bodies, their hearts and their souls? Can you notice the little subtle things and act immediately when you see them? Can you play a submissives body like a fine instrument? You need to know the touch, taste and smell of them. You need to know their dreams and fantasies. It sounds difficult but it isn’t if you communicate well.
You need to be observant, romantic, and hard when they need you to be. Also do not be reluctant to show your softer side to so your partner knows you care. You need to be level headed, adaptable, imaginative but most important is to be yourself, unashamedly you.
Now I am going to give away a state secret or two but use them wisely.
· You can use implied danger, it is a massive turn on. Check out Mind Fucks and you will know what I mean.
· Get your submissive so sexually aroused they will beg for you to fuck them.
· Learn how to tie ropes.
· If it is your thing, get some light whips or a crop or a flogger…
· You will need a good wand (Doxy Wands are the best.) These devices bring on great orgasms and are best for forced orgasms. It is a way to get your submissive into sub-space.
· Build up slowly to a scene and bring your partner down slowly so there is no sub drop. Please take the time to read that too.
What I am trying to say to you is learn as much as you can and be the Dominant you want to be. No two Dominants are ever the same and no D/s relationship is either. This is a living, breathing relationship so you and your partner need to come together (pardon the pun.) and sort it all out to suit yourselves. Be together as equals but with different roles.
If you think about it, it is much the same as any relationship.
The same rules apply to a couple that have been in a relationship with a person for a long time but you both want to change it. You might have a bigger advantage because you know each other already.
Have fun and be safe.
If you want to ask a question. We do not spam, send lots of newsletters, we simply answer your questions. If you would maybe like to try your hand at writing and if it in keeping with the blog I will post it for you and make sure people know it isn’t my writing. Contact us … here
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Sir and kitten.
If you have no idea about how to meet a submissive there is a website called Fetlife.com and it is a kink rich place that often have meetings called a Munch and you can find like-minded people there.