This is a subject that Sir and I have in life. Fluid consent is with us 24/7 and because of that it works best for us.
Let me explain exactly what it is. Every time we indulge in a scene we don’t have to explain what is about to happen and I don’t have to consent to whatever will happen. That can be very tedious and does take away the spontaneity of what we will do. He will say things like, ‘Is my rope bunny ready to play?’ I know then that I will be bound and normally edged for a while and I will be right royally fucked.
This is in place because we know each other very well and we have been together for years. We have grown together and we know each other extremely well. We still manage to find out something new about each other every day.
I say things like scene and play, but to us this is no game or movie it is a life we love to indulge all of our senses in. It is total. There is no time set aside for sex, no time we play house, it just flows.
Consent is a very big word in the BDSM world and you will never hear me promoting giving away all control to a person you have just met. NEVER do that. I am saying grow together in life before you become fluid.
I know how much pain I can receive from Sir, I know exactly how rough, rough sex will get. I know that no matter how gentle we start we usually drift into rough sex. I know how he will whip me and I know the range of whips, floggers, canes and paddles he can choose from. I know the upper limits he will use with them. He knows which of these things cause the most pain and he will use them in a most gentle way and build up strength by watching me carefully and how I respond. He knows the way my body bends and how certain bits don’t work so well through injury. He knows how to bind me considering all of these things. He knows I love a little humiliation and he can talk dirty to me. He knows when to make me hold back and when to let me go wild. We have this flow because we love and trust each other deeply plus he has just enough bad boy to make life interesting. Good Dominants don’t always want to flog their submissives to within an inch of their lives.
They have to grow into their roles too. NEVER BROKEN IN.
Sir has no wish to break me or destroy me or any part of my body or mind.
Sir has always been dominant but became a Dominant for me. It was such an honour for me and right now I couldn’t be happier. There is an ebb and flow to us, a gentle energy that unites us in so many ways. He is a Dominant all day and night and I am submissive always. However he can show his softness and I am able to show mine too. He can show his strength and I can use mine when we get together. In this space of deeper pain can become a magical time and is very exciting. Not forgetting it can lead to sub space which is a beautiful place to be. He can show his tenderness and he knows I won’t take advantage of that. We are also very romantic.
The big thing about fluid consent is it leaves room for growth and space to explore each other. Life changes and so do relationships never get caught in a relationship that stagnates. All relationships need to be nurtured and kept fresh. It goes for both Vanilla and D/s ones. Please keep that in mind. I don’t mean to buy a new play outfit, or a new toy. I mean do things to make each other feel special. Things like a romantic dinner, a small gift, even a picnic in summer. A rug in front of an open fire and some soft mood music and candles in winter. Never under estimate things like this.
To me fluid consent is simply the ability to submit to your partner knowing they will not harm you in any way and you agree to trust their choices. I heard of a lady that is a submissive and she has fluid consent but one day her Dominant reacted to her PMS bad mood by pushing her up against the wall and slapping her face hard. The action was one she normally didn’t mind but a PMS brain changes the game. The lady was very upset.
The problem with fluid consent means that can arise and lead to upsets. Make sure you don’t sign up for it unless you are very certain it is what you want and can handle. (Consider PMS moods too) Also be certain you can trust your partner.
I know that can’t happen with Sir and I as he reads me so well and He can be that rough with me but normally isn’t. I can also use my safe word and it ends the action immediately.
Fluid consent is not for everyone and I don’t advise it for someone that is not entirely sure of who they are but it will happen, to some degree, over time.
For those who are just starting out, please use normal consent rules. Normal consent rule is you agree to do what has been suggested and it must be exactly what has been planned. You can also use your safe word. All actions must stop immediately not a few minutes later. A Dominant should be judged not by his sweet words but by his actions.
I hope you enjoyed the article.
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Sir and kitten.