I thought this to be something I needed to write about and it rings true, or should ring true for everyone. It sort of addresses the fine balance of any D/s relationship.

  • During bouts of illness, no matter the duration of the illness the Dominant must refrain from taxing his submissives energy and in fact, take up some of his/her duties. This will ensure he/she recovers quickly. If the Dominant is ill the submissive will take good care of him/her too.
  • Aftercare must be done after every scene and this doesn’t just mean submissives. Dominants need it sometimes just as much as a submissive.
  • Both Dominants and submissives must take care of their health at all costs. Eating well, maintaining their weight, and I don’t mean diet I mean staying the same as you were when you met your partner (pregnancy excepted). They thought you sexy then and they will now.
  • If suffering from a mental illness be totally open with your partner and let them know immediately if it changes. I suffer from Bi Polar (under control) and I always tell my Sir if there is any change to my moods at all, be they normal swings or the other kind. It helps us both maintain middle ground.
  • I do not believe in perfection and it is unreasonable to think you will find your Perfect Dominant or submissive. They do not exist. What I say to my Sir is he is perfect for me. You can find the right person but please don’t hang out for the “Perfect Dominant or submissive”. You will be shocked to find that if you look into a person that you would say could never be that “Perfect Dom/sub” might be just the one you need. Give both of you a chance to grow your own relationship and don’t try to achieve a stereotypical relationship.
  • Be confident. My Sir never put’s me down. He might call me names like slut, whore and stuff like that during a scene but I use them too and it is fine in that way. If your dominant is abusive verbally outside of a scene please don’t accept that behaviour. No one should have to (even if you are a slave). There is one exception to that, and that is if you enjoy it then all is good.
  • Don’t allow your mind to become full of self-doubt. If you start doubting yourself please talk to your partner. Nothing eats you away like self doubt.
  • The next one I must mention is guilt. Never feel guilt over a scene, over your desire for submission, or anything you indulge in. Guilt is a lousy emotion and really serves no purpose. It can eat away at you and can even lead to depression. If you did something during a scene that you weren’t fully prepared for or the scene didn’t work out the way you thought it would then speak to your partner about it. This is for both Dominants and submissives.
  • When naked please don’t feel embarrassed and try to hide your body. You are beautiful in all your perfect imperfections, quoting John Legend.  There is probably less than 2% of women in this world with what style dictates as right size for this day and age as beautiful. Real people have stretch marks, wobbly bits, scars and love handles. I do. My Sir kisses my scars and considers them a map to the story of my life.
  • Prepare well for a scene, talk over what will happen and don’t have anything that is sprung on you. I know Sir well enough to have some idea what is coming but if anything new is going to happen he lets me know.

 

Well I can’t think of any more but no doubt I will find more. If you can suggest any please do.

Sir and kitten

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