I could make broad strokes of my writing with a paintbrush that would not give an accurate vision so I will keep this strictly to me and how being submissive to my Sir has affected my life and what he has done to me. That sounds ominous but please read on.
What do I feel when I see him…
I see a man that is handsome and kind and has a certain mystery. A hint of bad boy and yes I know, girls all love a bad boy. It isn’t that he does bad things, I just know where his kinks are and that is in a very intelligent mind. I know with deepest sense of knowing that he will never hurt me (outside my limits). I look into his eyes that are filled with naughtiness. They are filled with love and respect too.
He knows my darkest desires as I told him all of them knowing he would not walk away. There may be more in the future because it is a constantly evolving relationship. He shares many with me. I also told him my dreams and what I would like to do in this life. We sort of wanted to do the same things. This isn’t all about the lifestyle. It is about life and family and home.
Now I will speak of what he has done to me as my Dominant. I have mentioned before that he needs only speak the word ‘kitten’ and I am instantly a submissive. I am strong and independent and a fire burns inside me. The fire he enjoys so much. He has Fire too, oh my, he has fire. Is this just passion? No, it is much more than that. He has passion for leatherwork, coffee, (yeah coffee). But the passion for each other is red hot and much more intense. For me my life force is a life force that simmers just under my skin. It is animalistic, it burns and it fills me. That is there because of my Sir.
He set me free, and we lived quite a normal (well almost) normal life. It opened my eyes to the possibilities of freedom. To never have to kneel before a man again. To be able to take control and initiate sex. To be in a position that would be considered that of a Top. It was good. However some thoughts started to infiltrate my being. I didn’t feel safe, I felt a little out of control. I felt the lack of his control.
I didn’t understand at first. Then I had to figure out if my Sir wanted a BDSM relationship now. What if I talked about it and he didn’t want it? Would he leave me? Oh I didn’t want to lose him. I was a mess emotionally. I asked if we could have a meta talk. A meta talk is what you say when you need to talk to your Dom/Master outside of the BDSM situation. I asked him in a submissive way and I think he knew right away what was coming. I was missing the safety factor a Dom brings to your life. I was missing his guiding hand and I missed being submissive most of all.
Sir listened to me and understood what I was asking. He was glad I had brought up my concerns. Then I realized something really important, I had asked for something without being afraid that Sir would leave me. Suddenly I understood why Sir had set me free.
There are a few things I do myself and it has never been a rule with him. I love to do things that are loving. When we go into a scene it is my desire to make his needs my aim to fulfil. When he reads this he is going to talk to me about it but his first desire is to make sure my needs are satisfied so we are on level ground. I have known him to hold himself back so that I can orgasm and usually a lot.
The biggest thing that changed is that when we enter a scene Sir can see arousal and fire in my eyes. Before it was blind obedience.
He sees I come out to play now. I hold nothing back. I lose myself in my body and my thoughts vanish. From the moment he says ‘kitten’ to when he touches me I feel consumed by fire. Every nerve ending is burning, I am focused on him and me, the things that connect us and then I dive headlong into those sensations. I know that he will keep me safe in this space.
I don’t worry about how far he will go, if he will bring impact play or rope. The softest of touches or searing lines of kisses on my body drive me wild. At that point I pretty much let go. My submission is total. He builds it up so slowly at times and it just about drives me crazy. I beg, I beg until he is satisfied with the intensity of it. Then I get what I am begging for. Does he let me orgasm right away… no. He makes me wait and yes I continue to beg, desperately. Then when I feel I will explode if I don’t cum he senses my state and he whispers, ‘Cum.’ That one little word knocks a hole in the dam and the water pour forth. Then there is no need to ask to cum because I have very little control.
When this scene is over I have nothing left. We have both given all of ourselves. We lay together and just enjoy this special moment. We usually say pass the oxygen because we are both gasping. We wait for a while to do the aftercare, well for a little while because we enjoy the way our bodies are drawn to each other. It’s the afterglow.
He is my Dominant. I respect and trust him with everything I am. I show him all of my respect because sometimes it isn’t easy being a Dominant. I love him with my whole heart. I know he will never intentionally hurt me. I know he loves me unconditionally. He has changed so much in wonderful ways and if you want to know how he feels I can’t read his mind so you might have to ask him yourself.
Most of all he protects me.
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Sir and kitten.