If you are interested in BDSM it doesn’t get more basic than this. B bondage, D dominance, S sadism and M masochism. This site will try to deal with most things in the lifestyle.

There are so many myths surrounding the whole BDSM lifestyle and I hope we can help dispel a few of them. Everyone that is drawn towards this adventure are many and varied. Some are dominant, some wish to own as a master, some are submissive some are slaves. There are so many titles like, bulls, cis, littles, daddies, and lots more There are some that like both sides of the submissive coin and are called switches. Switches can operate as a Dominant or a submissive but in separate scenes. It is less common for them to switch during a scene.

If you are new to all of this  then you will have to sort out a few things before you even start to experience the sexual side of things. First and foremost, you need to set a safe word and a safe gesture so that when it is said all play stops. Read the post about Safe Words and Gestures.

You can also have sadistic tendencies (like to give pain or humiliation), others are masochists (like to receive pain or humiliation). When I say pain it covers a wide area. It can start with hair pulling, to spanking, face slapping and also whipping. There are extremes and if both parties agree then go for it but it can leave you open to abuse so think carefully before you commit and have 100% trust in your opposite. I will not put images up of such things, mainly as they do not appeal to me. There are plenty of sites to find out about them.

With both sides of the coin within a relationship that is B/D or S/M or Dominant and Submissive must be clearly talked about with your partner before you start to have scenes. Start out slowly and know what you are getting into. There is another thing you need to know because I will use them frequently is Top/Bottom. Top is the dominant and Bottom is the submissive.

If you are being spanked for the first time it has to be an exploration and the Top, (one in charge) has to have a gauge to judge by, so the use of the pain scale employed in medical terms, 1 (I barely felt that) to 10 (oh my god that was the worse pain I have felt) is helpful. Another thing to consider is to add a colour to that scale. The scale is like it is in Traffic Signals. If you say 8 red it means it hurt and I want it to stop. If it is 8 green it means the bottom is happy to continue with it. The amber is obvious and means it is close to being a red. If any of this becomes a red 10 your top MUST stop there. If they don’t then never let them touch you again and walk away no RUN. Another thing that is important is to not let Top tie you up at the times you explore something new.

There is something else that must be talked about. Dom’s or Tops have their own likes and dislikes. If they don’t like whipping you hard, you have to respect their limits just as they respect yours.

If you are meeting your prospective partner for the first time insist on meeting in a public place to begin with. We have all dated before we even thought about a BDSM relationship and it is important to make sure your do this. Date for a while and go to places where you can talk. Coffee shops, picnic’s even visiting a park and just sitting on the grass. You will know when the time is right to be more private.

There is a web site where you can go to engage with people in the lifestyle and learn new things. It is called fetlife.com. It is a way to meet new people and they have munches so you can meet people close to you and they are dressed and are normal get togethers. Sometimes they also have places to go to learn about rope bondage. Have a look in there but use your normal good sense.

A top that is experienced will not immediately talk about what he is looking for in a sub or slave. He will date you. Don’t try to draw them into a sexual conversation at all. Get to know them first. The most important thing is to be friends then fall in love, then, and only then, explore your sexuality.

It is also possible to have this kinky lifestyle without sex. It doesn’t have to be sexual it can just be about dominance and submission. It can be difficult to find but not impossible.

Now I want to talk about submission itself. You do not have to be a pushover and weak to be submissive and in fact the opposite is true. A woman/man needs to be strong and know themselves completely. If you aren’t and you become dependant on your top it takes you to a lower level of weakness. A good Dominant will want you to be strong and independent. He will want your fire and passion. The reason being is when you do offer him your submission it will mean more and they will cherish it.

You do not have to kneel or call another so called ‘Dom’ Sir or Master. You do not submit to another man/woman under most circumstances. If you have agreed to a threesome with a Dominant, your Dom will tell you how they want you to act. If some sketchy ass man lumber’s over to you or a stern looking woman, and says, ‘Get on your knees!’ walk away. No perhaps run away. If this is in public and your Dom is around tell them right away. He will keep you safe.

For a strong woman/man, every time they kneel before their Dom they offer them something very special. There will be times you might not feel like it but if you are like me I have a man that can tell if I am in the mood. Sometimes he sees fire in my eyes, the fire of my resistance and he loves that look. It makes my submission even more exciting.

The main thing about this is article is there may be stereotypical images of Dominance and Submission in your head but the fact is there isn’t that in most D/s relationships. The best thing is the two of you can create your very own relationship with love. How you both are can be exactly what you both need and it might bear no resemblance to a ‘normal’ D/s relationship and that is because there is no ‘normal’ relationship to gauge it by.

If you become involved in a part-time relationship with a Dominant or Submissive who will fulfil you mentally but you have no wish to become more of a permanent thing just be very careful.

The is one warning I will give you and it is set in stone. If you meet on line and you think you know everything about your prospective partner, you don’t and if you agree to meet in his hotel room or a private place you are leaving yourself open to abuse and in some cases, much worse.

Sir and I met online and now we know each other very well. Our relationship is perfect for us but we understand enough to know we will be learning about each other for the rest of our lives.

Have fun and be safe

 

Sir and kitten

If you have questions or wish to submit some erotica. We do not spam, send endless newsletters. We also do not sell anything. We simply answer your questions. Contact us…here

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