|WE WILL NOT PROMOTE ABUSE IN ANY FORM BUT WE WILL PROVIDE A SAFE PLACE FOR YOU TO EXPLORE YOUR SEXUAL JOURNEY THROUGH B.D.S.M.|
If you are under legal age please leave as this blog contains sexual material and concepts that you may not be ready to see or read.
If you wish to take a copy of any posts in here I am happy with that. Please link back to here. If I don’t want you to copy any pictures, mainly of me, I will use a water mark or just ask me if you are unsure.
The images are copyright free and are from sites like Pixabay.com an such as d Pexels.com
As you can see I have got rid of the Navigation Menu but I have installed the Category button. it is a much simpler way to navigate. You just click on the category you want to read and a page opens with all the posts on. Thank you for your understanding.
Sex Bloggers for Mental Health
Toxic masculinity is a narrow and repressive description of manhood, designating manhood as defined by violence, sex, status, and aggression. It’s the cultural ideal of manliness, where strength is everything while emotions are a weakness; where sex and brutality are yardsticks by which men are measured, while supposedly “feminine” traits—which can range from emotional vulnerability to simply not being hypersexual—are the means by which your status as “man” can be taken away.
Things to watch out for in a new BDSM relationship
This is the type of page I would have loved to read the first time I got into a BDSM relationship. Unfortunately there was nothing like this.
Oral Sex Project
I find this difficult to talk about. I mean I love sucking cock, more than you can imagine. I put my all into it and I practiced a lot to get better at it. I know my darling S. appreciates my mouth.
Food For Thought
I guess this could apply to many things, death, uncertainty about something, or about losing something like a necklace.
The Erotic Journal Challenge
Firstly, I need you to know that when young I lived way out in the country, so I was home schooled. I was taught by School of the Air. I then had to submit my essays and homework. Therefore my education was sort of weird. Now of course we have computers and it is much better.
Well as you all must be aware I have gone crazy writing Meme’s but by doing that I have not done a journal entry to say Hi! to everyone. I also miss doing it.
Lingerie is for Everyone.
I own quite a few corsets from little lacy ones that are purely for show right down to strict control corsets that can be used in bondage.
Too Much Information Tuesday
Once more it is time to answer the questions of Too Much Information Tuesday. If you would like have a go yourself and please click on the link below to go and you can read all about the other people that have entered.
Sex Bloggers For Mental Health
I am also clumsy so if there is a crease in the air near the floor I will trip over it. However I don’t think that is what you are asking for so I will concentrate on times I say or do something to let myself down. When I was young I was always putting my foot in my mouth or I misunderstood what was asked of me. When I was learning about the lifestyle I sat in awe and some level of disbelief with a peppering of fear.
Tell Me About – Bondage
He takes me down to the play room promising me something exciting. My heart is pounding. I can’t think of what it could be because everything we do in here is exciting. He unlocks the door and we walk in. My eyes dart everywhere looking for some clues but I can see is a large metal ring attached to the ceiling.
The Erotic Journal Challenge
My first love was a much older man and he became my Master. I wish I could say it was a great relationship but it wasn’t. I felt I loved him and I didn’t have any experience in this new life. I was eighteen and had led a sheltered life. There was so much that I wish I had known back then.
Offer me your hand when we are in places where there are masses of people around us, knowing I find it difficult to be in crowds. You reinforce my courage.…..
Food for thought Friday
I and my darling man have had times where things have gone awry. We have fantasies but when involved it is nothing like the original fantasy. I mean S. is a dedicated rope man and I am his rope bunny. We will want to try something but my body is not lithe and perfect
Fantasy Smut Friday- A naughty little surprise for her/him/them.
I can’t believe I have done it. We have spoken about it for so long now, but I have always been a bit of a chicken about it. Finally I plucked up the courage and I am thrilled with the result. I wonder what my darling will think.
I watched him lean into my neck and I welcome the kiss I thought was coming. Instead of gentle lips he sucked hard, marking me with a love bite, which has me panting. Then his teeth sinks into my flesh leaving the mark of his teeth behind. I push away from him once the bite is done and move away from him.
Fantasy Smut Friday
He had taken her into the playroom many times but this time was different. This time she had asked him to. She was always a follower, doing just as she had been told and she submitted beautifully but this was new. This is something she had never done before.….
Wicked Wednesday Prompt-Parallel
As she sat at her desk, working on the computer, reading quotes for the building of a new shopping mall she battled to concentrate. She was dressed in a black skirt suit that sat loosely around her body. She is middle management and was required to uphold a standard of dress and was a good person for the younger women to emulate.
Food For Thought-Aphrodisiacs
The prompt this week is a different one and it had me thinking hard about them and I read the prompt again and after talking to S. I now have some good things to write about… so here goes.
Once more we have come to the part of the week we rack our brains for answers to TMI. I am enjoying it very much. This one made me really think hard about the answers to some of them. I would encourage everyone to have a go because of the fun factor. It never hurts to look inside our memories. Also go back to the TMI site and read what others wrote.
Just doing some housecleaning
I would ask for you to have a little patience as I am trying to sort out the navigation menu. It was way too long so I am putting in some subheadings. It is taking a lot a lot of time so I thought I would just put this in so you know why things are out of order. Thanks for your understanding. On a lighter note I can’t believe I have written so much in the last year.
Who am I ?
I read an interesting blog post on Southern Sir’s Place asking the question ‘How “real” is your online persona? and it had me really thinking hard about it.
Ok guys the recent couple of posts have been really serious so I thought I would write something a little lighter. It is time for a few chuckles.
I was reluctant to actually do this as I didn’t feel like it belonged in a sex blog but then I read a wonderful piece on another blog and it changed my mind. Please take the time to read that post here https://submissy.com/2019/03/06/self-harm/?sn=c&c=8222#comment-8222
Sex in the Lifestyle
First of all you need to know that not every moment of every day reflects BDSM, or sex, or whips or chains or ropes. This lifestyle should be part of your life. If you have young children then a few things will have to go by the wayside. How many of you have had a child walk into your bedroom while you are having sex? Now imagine them walking on your spanking or while you are tied up being forced to have orgasm after orgasm.
Things I’ve lost in BDSM
I have lost the panic when I have a choice to make. It was getting so bad before he wandered into my life. I was so insecure I allowed someone else to make my choices for me. It was my best friend Jamie who had made a promise to my dying husband that he would look after me. He made all of the financial decisions and made a budget for me. He made sure I was on track. I would go see my accountant with Jamie and it was if he was speaking Swahili.
Breasts Implants and BDSM
I have put a lot of searching into this subject as it affects me directly. This information is quoting a doctor but I am by no means a medical practitioner. There were two answers from two different doctors.
When younger I was a long distance runner and I practiced every day. Running was a joy, the only time I felt free and it somehow helped my mental well being.
A list of fun questions with different answers.
Food For Thought
I dream a great deal and I often dream about sex but it is nothing like the sex life I have now. It can be quite bizarre and with people I do not recognize. I occasionally have sex dreams about celebrities but never of the traditional heroes and good looking men or women. I once dreamed I had sex with Gandalf which was weird because you never fuck with Gandalf and Ian McClennen is gay. Just for one night he batted for the other team.
Ah, the magical part of any sexual relationship is the almighty orgasm. It is, or should be, the pinnacle of sex for both partners. I know I have different types of orgasm and enjoy all of them.
I have walked a long and winding road on my journey through the world of BDSM to find what feels best for me and my beloved S. I was very fortunate to find a man that has the same sort of ideas as I do which makes things a great deal easier. On my journey I read lots of things that really didn’t do anything for me sexually and I used to think how could people like doing this sort of stuff? JUDGEMENTAL
Kink of the Week
It is evening and Michael has promised me a wonderful surprise. He picked my black evening dress that is backless. I choose to wear my long necklace but I put the longest part of it down my back. It the front it is like a glittering choke.
TMI Tuesday is up! Let’s go…write, post, read, comment. Go!
The Little Golden Chest
I have a secret place deep inside me, that rarely sees the light of day. Inside it are all of my secret things, my darker fantasies, my secret desires, my dreams and ambitions. I have collected them and placed them so carefully inside the ornate chest inside my mind. It is locked and covered with other things to make sure no one can find it.
The Erotic Photographs
I have posed for erotic photographs with mixed reactions. In my early life, pictures were taken of me and I had no control over what was done with them. I looked very young in those days and I found them on a site that mortified me. Once my Master/husband died I swore I would never let that happen to me again. Please realize that even if you post a picture and take it down again, they can spread around the lifestyle sites and internet for years to come.
I thought I would give this a go again, so pinching my nose, taking a leap and launching myself into the waters of life.
Why Can’t I Say I’m Pretty
I think this is another post about body image or is it? Why is it so difficult to say positive things about ourselves? I can look in a mirror and at best I can think, ‘Yeah, I’m not bad.’ I look at my body and think ‘I guess it is ok.’
Tears on my Cheeks
Tears are strange things. I mean yes crying can come from a place of pain or sadness but I am talking about the tears on my cheeks in a scene.
The Lure of Fresh Sheets
I slip into the darkened bedroom, alone and before my darling. I remove all of my clothing then draw back the duvet and sheet and slip into the cool cocoon of fabric. I cover myself and my limbs become serpentine sliding across the cool fabric seeking out every cool patch in the bed.
You’ve Been a Norty Girl
S. and I have a rather unique way of setting discipline or punishment. You can split it into two halves of the same discipline.
I am an Elemental Spirit
Water is the element of my soul. I swim naked and it holds me up and covers my body. It slips over the nerves of my body like the caress of silk. It cools my blood when I need to the dowse the flames. I swim to calm my battling emotions or to empty my mind. I put my feet against the side of the pool and push off staying under the water.
A Little More Information
Well I thought I would keep you up to date about my darling S. We saw the specialist in the State University and she is sort of the top of her game. S’s. Gastro specialist sent him there.
Continue reading …..
Violence is such an ugly word and the act of saying the word tastes ugly on your tongue. Violence against men, women and even children is wrong no matter how you look at it and without exception it is wrong.
New Years Resolutions
This list is of the New Year’s resolutions I will never make as previous years sees me keeping them for maybe a week then giving them up one by one. This makes me feel like shit so I am not going to do it.
Feminism in BDSM might sound as if there is a conflict between them but I feel as if they can compliment each other. It also depends on what you feel feminism actually is.
Answering Questions from TMI Tuesday.
What I want/What will we get?
I have been sitting around thinking about what my perfect Christmas day would be like. Lets discover if my thoughts match up with all of yours. Then I can discover if I’m really just like everyone else.
Things To Do In The Cold
So the short days of a frozen winter are on the way, even though snow might not happen at Christmas. Back home it is 38 degrees Celsius. While we will have the traditional lunch, in Australia they are cleaning off the bar-b-que or ordering the prawns. I prefer a cold Christmas by far.
You are the sun in my sky, the wind stroking my body and the fire in my veins.
What Can I Do?
Have you ever felt completely helpless and no I am not saying tied up and in some bondage scene? I am talking about when a person you love is ill. I’m in the situation where I have to watch my beloved S. going through a lot of pain. He never grumbles or gives in to pain. I ask how he is and he says okish. Okish means he is in pain and I have to stop myself hovering over him because hates it.
Vulnerable vs Danger
There is a really big difference between feeling vulnerable or feeling a sense of danger. Also there are different sides of the danger coin. Bad danger is when you are under threat or you feel afraid from something beyond your control. Being truly afraid of a situation means one thing, time to get out of there. Making yourself safe before you are in that situation is important.
Have you had an instant reaction to something that tips you into BDSM mode? It can be a sight, a sound or even a smell. Because we walk the path of strong fetishes, our reactions are powerful when we do indulge ourselves.
When I was young, I used to feel the need for constant approval. I believe it was because I had such a terrible home life. I used to do a chore with all the excellence I could muster, hoping for a positive comment, a hug, even a smile. There was nothing forthcoming.
Picture S. and I laying on the sofa, entwined in each other and my head is on his chest. It was a quiet moment, a still moment in time. We were in a reflective mood and we began talking about how our relationship got to be so strong. I have not loved another man the way I love S. and we talked about why things sit so comfortably with us.
I have been watching some porn on Red Tube which is free for all you people out there that are interested. It is a part of You Tube. I am not normally a person that watches masses of blue movies but this turned into a form of research. I can see things like bondage furniture that is used, ways to be tied and the different kinds of tools and whips they use.
What to Get the Dom Who Has Everything
What do you buy for the Dominant that has everything for a Christmas present? It is never easy and I often wrack my brain for something original. I mean you have to be observant and watch them through the months leading up to Christmas or their birthday. You also need to be stealthy. I am hopeless at keeping secrets and usually cave under pressure. I am improving and so is S. he doesn’t put so much pressure on me.
The Other Side of Christmas
Just as it is a true thing to say Christmas is fun, there is the other side of the coin and to some people it can be the saddest or loneliest of times. It is to those of you that I am speaking to.
The Silly Season
I am not sure how many of you know I am from Australia but I moved to the US to be with my darling S. It was a big decision to make but one I thought well worth effort. He has a lot of family and I brought mine with me. I just didn’t have the roots there that he does here.
Expectations vs Reality
When a new relationship forms or an established relationship changes we all have expectations of what we want. When that relationship concerns B.D.S.M. you will have preconceived ideas. I mean why would you want it if you didn’t have any ideas of what you find erotic.
The idea of tickling to most people sounds like fun and you might dissolve into giggles. Try to imagine if you were tied up and someone tickled you, there would be no way to stop them. Prolonged tickling can even become painful. Would it still be fun?
I was thinking about my life and something struck me as quite wonderful. At the beginning of my BDSM life there was no place I could go to talk or ask questions. I met with other submissives it’s true but they weren’t in the habit of giving advice.
Things That Tickle My Funny Bone
I read a very funny post from Katkinx, it was part of her 30 Days of Kink challenge.
It made me think about myself and S, because we both enjoy humour and we are always laughing, even if it is during a scene. The time that it usually happens is after a scene when we collapse on the bed or floor and the first thing we say, as we are gasping for air is, ‘Pass the oxygen please!’
Real Life vs Blog World
I apologise for not posting much recently but real life has got in the way. One of the biggest thing that has been taking up so much time is physical therapy. After chemo I was left thin and weak. I had to start a weight gaining diet and because of my diabetes I couldn’t do all the fun things. I had to eat healthily…
Writing a Book
I am considering writing a fictional erotic book while putting all of the things concerned with consent, safe words and limits all included. I want to make sure there is a book that is a true reflection of the BDSM lifestyle on the market. I know I have written short stories and longer pieces in segments so you will know my writing style for erotica. I am going to include with this post a short example of part of the book. This is their first BDSM sex scene. ….
The Safety Net
I read an interesting post on Master’s Pleasing Bitch’s blog and she mentioned the Safety Net she has with her Master. It was very insightful but it made me think about my own safety with my beloved S. …
This is something that I find very erotic and powerfully sexual. The thought of being naked on a balcony, leaning on the rail while S. fucks me silly is a big fantasy. The thought someone might see drives me crazy and we would continue with the scene not caring who may see, makes me so excited I can barely breathe. Unfortunately, our home doesn’t have a balcony. When we travel, I hope we are in a hotel, up from ground level and it has a balcony. I am not game enough to do it on the ground floor…
Interview With a Dominant
I am hoping this is going to give some idea of my beloved S. In my humble opinion I think he is one of the best Dominants I have ever met but he would argue that point with me, even me writing this will make him feel uncomfortable. He does not like being held up as an example to anyone. He is also shy at times and raucous at others. So please remember all of this as I ask him questions and he answers them…
Whatever Happened to Headaches?
Whatever happened to ‘Not tonight dear I have a headache.’? Gone from me for the rest of my life. I don’t have to say things like that because S. notices me and knows when the time is right. Sometimes it might take a little persuading but not much. His voice, his little touches, the deep flirting all things like that. He is the master of them….
I have spoken about S. not being my first BDSM lover and I have also spoken about my first Master. However, I have not really mentioned much about how S. and I met and what happened between us. We met in a chatroom and I think it was one for younger women wanting to find older men. S. had no idea what chatroom he was in…
The Predator And The Prey
I have read an excellent post on Forbidden Writings about being primal / prey and it prompted me to write some more on the subject. I have mentioned before that S. and I both enjoy being this way in our BDSM dynamics. It is something that has always been inside me but I have only ever been able to talk to S. about it...
Thoughts From The Other Side
Well this may be a great shock to most of you, kitten has taken the day off, what she doesn’t know is I’m posting. Yes, she thinks I’m off doing something, you know guy related. I read something today and it was a comment on a friend of ours post. Her husband was apologising about not catching on quickly enough, not noticing right away. I don’t personally know this man, but I’ve heard enough stories to know him to be a good man, a caring, loving man. I got to thinking about being a Dom and how hard we can be on ourselves sometimes, ok all the time….
This is a subject close to my heart because before my cancer I had quite a few myself. They all had to be removed because of the radiology treatments and if I got an infection it would be hard to fight it. I would not have liked to have lost a nipple because my piercing got infected, not to mention my clitoris...
I have been thinking about what I wanted to write about and it has been a while since I last posted anything, sorry about that. S. Suggested about writing about staying positive and it sort of mish-mashed in with a few ideas, which I am going to put in this post...
TRIGGER WARNING RECOVERY AFTER RAPE
I have read so many posts about people that have suffered a sexual assault in their lives. There are a number that happen in the BDSM realm. My own happened when I was fourteen, long before I entered the lifestyle. Mine was perpetrated by four men in balaclavas and I was also cut and stabbed. I was in an abandoned farm house and left for dead. I don’t know where I got it from but I found the strength to crawl out of the house to the road. An old couple stopped, covered me up and picked me up. They then took me to a local hospital and from there I was taken down to one of the main hospitals in my capital city. From that point on I don’t remember much but I woke up in hospital…
The power of words can be far reaching especially within the world of BDSM. They can also prompt an emotional response...
Does libido have a place in the D/s M/s dynamic?
This is such a large question and it depends on your own ideas about this. What I am about to share is simply my own ideas and circumstances. I guess I am writing about this so you can consider your own concept of the word and what works for you…
I was at a loss as to what to talk about here in the blog and after a talk with S. we now have several ideas. This was the first part of the ideas.
We wanted to talk about rules but from a different direction than before. I wrote a piece called ‘Guidelines’ before and you can read that post too if you are interested. In it I said that we had guidelines rather than intractable rules. I have changed my mind and I want to speak of rules now…
I have spoken about this subject often and it is very important to S. and myself. Recently though we were going through a bit of a rough time. There was distance between us and we were floundering. Neither of us understood why. Sex was great, we still laughed but there was this gnawing inside us both. I was trying hard to reach him and he was in a bad space too. There was so much love so what was going wrong?…
Girl With a Secret Pt 4
Justin woke at about 2pm to find Cariad lain next to him just looking at him. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. Then he stretched languorously and sleepily asked, ‘How long have you been watching me?’
Love and Need
I read a really interesting blog post about the lifestyle but, one thing really leapt out at me. They tried to say vanilla sex was a product of love and BDSM was a product of need. It really just would not fit comfortably in my head.
The Girl With the Secret Pt 3
Justin woke at about 2pm to find Cariad lain next to him just looking at him. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. Then he stretched languorously and sleepily asked, ‘How long have you been watching me?
The Girl With the Secret Pt.2
They emerged from the bathroom clean and dry. Justin just could not get the delicate scent of her out of his senses. He felt drunk on her, that was the only way to describe how he felt. He hadn’t taken a drink for almost a year now but he still understood the thirst and it was like he was thirsty for her. They were both dressed in the hotel white towelling robes and they sat down.
The Girl With the Secret
He stood on the stage surrounded by the other members of the band. The lights were bright and then dimmed right down between each song. His voice is like sandpaper and honey. His range is staggering. The people sing with him, the words of a bleeding heart and he lays bare his life for the audience…
Tattoos are things that you either love or hate, there seems to be no in between. Both S. and I love them. At the moment I have just the one of roses, with stems and leaves with a ribbon intertwined. It needs to be touched up as it has faded but I haven’t got around to it yet. It has become a popular thing to do. I learn the fact that even Queen Victoria of England even had tattoos and she was renown for being very straight laced.…
Give and Receive
Everybody knows about give and receive when in a relationship. It is like a flow just like waves lapping the shore. The energy of giving and the energy of receiving. You will notice I don’t say take because implies force or stealing.
A great number of (Twue) Dominants believe that all they have to do is say, ‘take your panties off I am going to fuck you’ and that is all they think they need to say as foreplay. There are times that will happen and you might enjoy that, as I do. What about the rest of the time?
Bits of me
I write so much about the inside of me I thought you might like to see this. Some are before cancer and some are after. I hope you enjoy them.
Beginners, Newbies and All.
This is one of the most important posts I have written in here. I am following a lot of blogs within WordPress world and I go visit them often. I read their posts and enjoy them very much. I have been in the lifestyle for many a long year and yes, I am aware that makes me sound so old but I am only forty. I was reading one such post on another blog and began to see it through the eyes of a beginner.
Fifty Things about S.
A while ago I set a challenge to think of 50 things you can write about yourself and it seems the challenge has done the rounds. I did mine and now I have a challenge to write 50 things about S.
I don’t think I have ever read a blog post about resolving issues within the lifestyle. I am concerned that some submissives might not speak up because they feel they do not have the power to stand up for themselves….
Sometimes love is like a blanket that keeps me warm through the dark hours.
As everyone here has read that I share a very intense relationship with S. There have been things I have not shared because I have no wish to make S. sound like a brute. He is absolutely not. He is soft and gentle and very loving. This type of thing could be judged as abuse if you simply look at the surface. However, before I go into it I want to make sure you understand something.
Songs to dance to
These songs are to make you dance and they will have you tapping your feet. Awww the hell with that get up and dance! I often find, when I am down, songs like this lift my spirits. It is amazing how that happens.
The Power in His Hands
The power in his hands is enormous. He holds out his hand to me so that I can walk into his arms and his firm embrace clasps me to his chest. He uses his hand to gently tilt my face up to kiss me with warm, tender lips, igniting my senses.
Rope bondage is not defined by the weight or shape of the submissive but on the skill of the rigger. Even suspension is possible for all subs as long as they are not carrying injuries which might limit options.
Waiting can be one of the most underrated things in a Dominant’s repertoire. Most often you both can’t wait to get your hands on each other. The Dominant can take the submissive into a session with delayed orgasms but that isn’t the kind of waiting I mean.
A Dominant Woman
Ideas of a Dominant woman is something so alien to me because, well simply because I find it hard to think in that way, yet I follow a few Dominant women on WordPress and I find their blogs to be really interesting. A small part of me likes a hint of Domination when I switch but I never take S. in deep as I would be ultra uncomfortable.
With Age Comes…
There is no use by date on a woman. She can be just as exciting and deeply sexual as she was in the spring of her life. In fact there is much more depth to her physical and sexual desires.
Take Off Your Armour
Take off your armour my dear.
It is not my desire to harm you in any way. You are an amazing woman and I do not wish to change that in any way.
She kneels at your feet and as you circle her, you are struck by her beauty. Her face is delicate yet something about her gives an aura of strength. As you circle her, your heart beats faster and your cock twitches. Her spine is straight yet she holds a strong air of submission.
I am not sure if anyone noticed that my posts stopped for a while and there is a very good reason. My head became a little unravelled and I took time out for two reasons. One was that I didn’t want my crap finding it’s way in here because this is a very important place for me. Two is because I needed to find a quiet space to sort myself out.
She may look slender. Her body may have it’s weaknesses. She may look fragile but never underestimate her. She is a warrior.
She is your submissive.
I read a post the other day about sexuality and it was about polyamory. It was so well written and it got me thinking about my own sexuality. My journey through the blog has been an illuminating one. It has stimulated so many questions in my mind and has even begun to give me answers.
There is a certain activity that great lovers have a problem doing with their partners, not just in the vanilla world but also in the lifestyle. Good lovers tend to consider their partners needs before they take their own and normally that is just how we bottoms love it. I have a man that is wonderful and considerate as my lover and he gives me pleasure until I am sated, then he allows himself the freedom to pursue his own satisfaction. Please don’t think I am complaining about this because I’m not. It is wonderful and such a pure pleasure.
Morality Within the Lifestyle
Morality was a thing in short supply in my early life. My family were not what you might call religious in any way so I was forced to discover my own sense of morals and I think I did pretty well. Nan helped a lot too.
I have been having a problem with my blog and I think you all might have gotten a lot of posts in your emails from me and I am genuinely sorry for the mess up. I hope you forgive me. It is resolved now so you should not be getting any more unwanted mail.
A Bit of a Correction
All through this blog you might notice my comments concerning a Master and slave relationship. My experiences were not the best but that does not mean that type of relationship is always bad. I know of a few people that are in a perfectly happy M/s dynamic. One I know is Dayliacatt on Fetcetera. She is blissfully happy with her Master.
Reposted and re written.
This is an important subject because the moment directly after a scene you will find a time when you are in each others arms, sated, breathless and worn out. This is the one time you get for feed back, an opportunity to take care of each other. It is the afterglow and a good time to talk about how you enjoyed yourself and to make sure your partner knows it was incredible.
As my friends and followers have probably noticed I have not posted any new post in a few days. The truth is S. has gone for a while due to a family crisis. We are not sure how long for. I am fine on my own. I am not afraid like I used to be. I have plenty of things to do to keep me busy. But I miss him.
Opening this blog I had no idea how much of myself I would be exposing to my readers. I wanted to build something that explained BDSM in a way that was not judgemental and offered different options for you to discover.
Punishment vs Discipline
This is a lesson my Sir taught me and it is an important one. There is a massive difference between Punishment and Discipline. If you do something wrong and your Dominant picks it up then expect discipline or punishment…
Information (updated and reposted)
Subspace is a state of mind associated with BDSM
It is described as floating or feeling detached. A submissive can enter into subspace as a result of the sensations they get from their Dominant…
The Beat of the Drums
We circle each other around the fire between us, both of us seeing that look in our eyes. The fire emblazons the raging inferno that is our desire. It makes us pant, snarl and circle the fire. This can’t be contained nor smothered by words, as they are like water. The fire turns water to steam.
The Savage In My Soul
I have had the courage to look deep within my soul and lurking in the shadows was a savage. Picture a room that is black as jet and even though I wrenched the door open I could see nothing but a cloying, overwhelming, darkness. I could hear the snarls coming from within and for a while I was too frightened to look deeper. Deep, glowing amber eyes opened and the snarling grew louder. I was afraid and the temptation to slam the door closed swamped my mind. I am still clasping the heavy padlock. Then my backbone straightened and I refused to be cowed by this part of me.
Expectations and Perfection
Expectations can be a killer of relationships. The pressure of expectations can cause genuine stress and pressure on both a Top and a bottom. With a submissive, a Dom with very high expectations places a huge weight on their partners. Your partner will forgo their own desires simply to try and meet all of yours.
IMHO means in my humble opinion for people who don’t recognise the letters. Blogging is all about opinions well mine is. A lot of people shy away from the word ‘opinionated’. I embrace it I share my opinions with all of you. Even the dictionary places some really bad connotations to the word and it is a long list.
If you find yourself in an event or if you mix with people within the dynamic of BDSM there will be protocols for you to follow. I am not one for rules as you may notice and when I am out in any of those places I will act the way S. wants me to. His rules are easy.
There are some kinds of Tops that like the formality of their bottoms kneeling in certain poses to accent their submission and they like them to learn them all. There are many ways to kneel and also to lay. They also each have a name. It is also possible to train your bottom to recognize hand gestures for each pose. I have no problem with people that enjoy that kind of formal conditioning and often they look very beautiful. There are, however, two reason I can’t go along with it.
Here is a challenge for you. Write 50 things about yourself that we might not know. They don’t have to be earth shattering, just interesting.
Not Always The Same
I want to write this in a way that does not put down the nature of this post at all, and I will put it in the deeply sexual nature of what happened to me tonight. More over it was with my Alpha Male, my wonderful S. and it is not a lone experience.
He Loves Me Strong
My darling S. has helped me through many minefields since we met over 12 years ago. I was a lost person, lost in memories and abuse. Step by step he helped me through the toughest of times. Gradually I became strong and today I am able to stand on my own and make my own choices in life.
The Black Dog
Information and a Journal Entry.
TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE AND MENTAL HEALTH
I have just watched a movie on Netflix called Hannah Gadsby: Nanette. It’s about a comedian from Tasmania called Hannah Gadsby and it is one of the best comedy shows I have ever seen. Hannah is gay and rather masculine looking but the thing that shines through is her humanity. She is quitting comedy but you need to watch the documentary.
She Touched Herself
I issued a request of kitten. I wanted to watch her playing with herself but I wanted her to do it in the nastiest, dirtiest way she could think of. I love to watch her body when she agrees to indulge me with a kinky request and my mind is buried firmly in the voyeuristic pursuits when it comes to her.
1. Picture the child you once were, what did that child do very well?
My early childhood revolved around books and writing. I have always loved words. I can remember copying the children’s story of the three billygoats Gruff. My grandmother always bought me books as presents, normally the classics like Black Beauty, What Katy Did and Treasure Island. I read them over and over. At thirteen I discovered Lord of the Rings and I swore when I was older I would write books like those and I did.
The Patient Submissive
This is about the Patient Submissive just like every Twue Dom deserves.
I once started using a strippers pole as a way to keep fit. The one thing that came out of it was I was pretty good at it. I realized I could make a passable stripper. We are going to get a pole but I have come to realize I am going to have to start learning all over again.
Strip it down
Information and journal entry
This has nothing to do with taking your clothes off. More to do with your mind which can fill you with fear, guilt, and lack of confidence. This is about before you take your clothes off.
This Girl Is On Fire
I must been the only girl in the world that does not like masturbating unless it happens in a scene. Yes, when I am desperate I will do it, but I don’t fantasize when I do. To me it is just a physical release when my body demands it. If S. is ill he gives me permission to orgasm when I have a bath, which I do every day. I just don’t masturbate every day, just take the bath. I had to look at this and wonder if it was a lessening of my libido? It can’t be that because whenever S. is ready for a scene, my engine is revving. I also don’t have religious beliefs that prevent me.
Sad Songs and Love songs
I have selected these ballads because I like them. There are no hidden meaning in any of them. I might have picked it because they might be classics or the sound of the singers voice. I know some of them are rock power ballads but I love them too Please just enjoy.
Body image is a thing that we all have, yet it isn’t talked about as much as it should. Ask anyone what part of their body they love they will usually um and ah about it. Ask a person what they hate about their body they will answer quickly and also have a list.
I thought I would just write about life that winds on along. I have been posting a lot in the last few days and that is because S. has been ill with flu. He has been very sick and he needed pampering. Mostly he drinks lots of fluids, takes his meds and sleeps. On top of that he has been going through a lot of tests that have been time consuming but we are getting to the bottom of something he has suffered with for years.
Sayings, Funny and Serious (updated.)
I love some of these saying and I hope you enjoy them too. I have shared them you to make you think or even laugh.
Well this is another collection of images I love. They are all copy write free and you can use them on your site. You will also find some older art work that celebrates real women’s body. Yes I know there are pics of models but they are nice eye candy if your eyes run to slim girls. Never mistake them for real women.
One of the most important senses that I cherish is touch. If I have not been touched for a while my skin hungers for it. This can happen is you are either alone or alone for a few days. I yearn for it. Kissing is a touch of lips than leave me breathless. It also affects my body as much as my love of it. The feel of your partners arms around you. It can also be as small as a stroke on my cheek with one finger will have me leaning into the contact.
I was reading a post on my news feed today about Gay People who have come ‘Out of the Closet’ and some that were outed in different ways. It then had me thinking about something I read on Fetlife. There is a furore going on about someone that had been outed (someone making the real name and address of another person. Normally done maliciously.)
Needs and Wants
I am going to delve into my brain here and that can be messy. First I will talk about me as that is the easy bit. This is about what expectations or needs and wants I have from my relationship with S. With needs I don’t have things like I need to be spanked once a week. I mean I love it but it is not what I am talking about. My needs run deeper than that. I need to have respect from S. which I get. I need to have trust. I need to feel cherished and to feel safe.
On Reaching an Impasse
Sometimes couples reach an impasse in their relationship and it can cause friction. I can only describe how S. and I deal with them so if you can gain anything from this I hope it helps you if you have this crop in your own relationship. It doesn’t always have to about sex either but in your real life and all that encompasses.
Safety before Kinks
I have spoken with Sir about this page and I had to think carefully about the kinds of kinks we discuss in here. There are some that I find difficult to speak of, not because they are nasty or bad or shameful. If it is between two consenting adults it is fine but they must research it carefully. However, somethings can alter the body in ways not expected.
More to the Basement
I have added more…
I have been renovating this grand old mansion now for three months and it has been a great deal of hard work. It is going to take an awful lot to get it close to it’s former glory. This home has a personality and I am aware it has its own strange sounds. It has it’s own ghostly moans and whistles when the wind blows.
New Listed Tools
I guess what I should say here perhaps this could be the tool box of a Top/bottom relationship. As promised it has grown.
Respect and Trust
Respect is one of my favourite words. I like the way it flows over the tongue and what it means. It is a word at the forefront of S. and my life. It comes way before BDSM, and is a foundation on which we base life on. Right from the first time we talk it was in every word we spoke to each other.
The Great Mysteries Of Life
These are questions that plague me the most and I bet you have loads of your own. They can drive a person doolallytap (crazy). I thought I might list mine.
A Very Good TV show
I watched a TV show out of the E! Channel about BDSM. It was called the real 50 Shades. As my daughter (18years) was watching too I tried to change the channel quickly before she saw what it was. My eagle-eyed daughter she said ‘change it back I wanted to watch this.’ She has no idea about my alternative personal life and I didn’t want any questions but I could not turn it over if she wanted to see it.
Okay I am Noisy
First of all I need to say I am shy but I have a bit of a problem. I am very rambunctious at times. I giggle a lot, I squeal, I scoff, I even snort and that is in real life with S. You can tell how I am feeling by the tone of my voice. He can tell when I am tired, unwell, annoyed and in a bad mood. He can also tell when I am excited and happy, turned on, or even smug. I am somewhat nonplussed by the skill which he does this.
How to Set Guidelines
A lot of lifestyle relationships has a list of guidelines set for the bottom and also for Tops. I say a guidelines because to me they are guidelines not intractable rules. I don’t like something that restricts me from being me. I don’t mind sharing a few things that I have but I won’t publish all of the guidelines as they are deeply personal. What I will do is offer a few suggestions that might make your own lists.
Why We Don’t Need Labels
One of my pet peeves at the moment is labels I was thinking about it last night and then it came to me, what other kinds of people could be labelled as we are in the kink lifestyle. Well…. Let’s take a look at the Vanillas of the world.
A Case of the Blues (Music)
Both S. and I love the blues. He is a fan of older blues artists where I prefer the newer stuff. I will start with one he really loves. I hope you enjoy the ones I find. It does take a large hunt through You Tube so please excuse adverts.
I climb in bed and spread my limbs to suck the coldness out of the sheets.
The Pleasure of Pain
This is a post about applied pain that brings pleasure to a bottom… Pardon the pun. * evil wink * Read it while keeping in mind your own Limits. It is a place to experiment with your partner but you must never be forced or coerced into it. Not liking pain does not mean you are a bad bottom.
Measuring Pain Levels
So for all you bottoms out there that enjoy some discomfort with your sexual scenes, this is about how to work out your pain levels. This is a very important thing to do well.
A bit of fun
This is just a bit of fun and not be taken seriously. Have a look at the photo’s below and pick a picture you find sexy as a partner if you didn’t have your significant other. Then I will write some stuff under the photo’s for you to see how close they are in nature to your partner. This is just for fun and not to be taken seriously.
Time to talk Tops
Most of the posts I write in here are slanted towards the submissive but I want to dedicate this page just to the Tops.
Psychological Mind Fucks
Information revised and updated.
This is a good thing, not in anyway to start putting you in a place of emotional turmoil. So bear with me and read on. In BDSM a ‘mind fuck’ means a suggestion that will evoke a response from you, usually sexual in nature. Your mind will receive the words then your thoughts will run with them.
This is a more difficult subject to quantify but I will do my best without ballsing it up, I hope. The one of the biggest things that is not spoken about often, is finding the balance you need in your lives. Not so much your day to day lives but your kinky life.
Information, revised and reposted
Everyone has their own idea of what a Dominant is and normally they get it all wrong and mix up stereotypical images for the true meaning of it. When I first talked to my darling S. I was looking for a Master like my first one, which is pretty sad if you have read anything about him.
Safe Words and Gestures
I know I have spoken about safety protocols in previous posts but I want to have a post just about safe words and gestures as I think they are some of the most important things in any BDSM. relationships.
Information, revised and added to.
As a child I would play cowboys and Indians with my friends and I was always the girl that was kidnapped and tied to the tree. No one rescued me and sometimes the little beasts would forget to untie me.
Information, revised and added to.
To me Limits should be discussed before the relationship begins but there is a way that a limit can happen even if you have been together for years. That is if you try something new and you don’t enjoy it. Then it can become a hard or a soft limit.
Beauty vs Ugly
I will start this post off with some positive words but bear in mind a rant is coming. The beauty of a woman can be in her face, her skin, her shape, her body even her hair. She might have a beautiful smile or have a kindness she shows the world. She may write beautiful words or have lovely pictures of herself on her blog. However, to me true beauty comes from her heart, soul and mind. The same is true of men too.
Letting Go… Submission
Have you ever stood on the very end of a high diving board and felt really scared but then you get the courage to dive off and for those scant seconds it feels like you are flying.
Information… this was posted months ago but I have reworked it.
Masochism is the enjoyment of things like pain and humiliation. If your kink leans this way do not feel ‘bad’ about it as the world is full of people that share your desire. As long as your welfare is the key thing in the experience then explore it.
Am I alone in having a moment that is wild, uninhibited and out of control, a moment that is like a touch light to send up some blazing fireworks inside your body? It can hit at any time and anywhere.
Let me Rock You, Music
Everyone meeds a little music in their lives…
Me and my Shadows
All too often people with blogs like this, show different things in BDSM, information concerning each aspect of the lifestyle, and even post funny stories just as I have. They project such calm acceptance and happiness, oh happy happy joy joy. A veritable picture of sunshine and happiness.
Gallery 10 All Males
I tried to pick all races, ages and body type. I find men to be fascinating and it was about time I put a gallery in of them. I could have been called sexist. So ladies and any men that enjoy the male form please enjoy. If you do like the photos here you are welcome to copy them for your own blogs. If any pictures are private ones I will mark them.
Oh no, a Brat!
There is something brewing inside of me. All this freedom I have is not helping me. It is like a boil trying to work it’s way out of me. It’s all hot and painful. I can feel it burrowing out of me.
The Soul of Submission
Submission is deeper than your mind, stronger than sexual desires and is rooted deep in the soul. It isn’t a need to be weak because submission requires strength and it is not about pain. It is offering your submission to a Dominant. It is a powerful dynamic that can fulfil you in a way that feeds the soul.
Paragon of Domliness
I am a Paragon of Domliness and I have been the most amazing Dominant all my life. I am twenty-three years old and every moment of my life I order women around. Women live to serve me. I mean ALL women. With one glance from me they fall to their knees ready to serve Me.
I see your belt threaded through your jeans belt loops and my heart skips a beat. It is that belt. It looks very much like any other belt but it isn’t. I watched as you made it, not understanding what I was seeing. There is the stainless steal fixings, buckle and pretty copper rivets. You catch me looking at it and you ask, ‘Is there a problem kitten?’
I see you
I see you. There are times I look at you and yes, I can see what you are doing, but under it all I see so much more. I can see you hunched over the bench as you work your magic with leather. I know your mind is consumed and focused and your strong hands move over the thing you are making, be it a whip, or cuffs or even a flogger
Mental Illness and the Lifestyle
This is a subject I feel passionately about as it has been a part of my journey. I read a post by nijntje from nijntje & The Bear about mental illness called Give me wings to fly. and it prompted me to write this.
Music pure and simple
In My Darling’s Eyes
I can get lost in his eyes, looking into their depthless wonder and see my whole world in them. He has so many looks. The one that makes him frown when he doesn’t understand something. He looks at me and hopes to see an answer in my eyes. Sometimes there is but sometimes there isn’t. Do I see defeat in his eyes then? Never. As long as my belief in him is there in my eyes he will never give up.
This post will require the reader to dig into their imagination, to journey along with me to understand my vision for this flight of fancy.
Picture this… a road of brightly lit shop windows in the 1800’s. It looks slightly Dickensian and lets make it a Christmas theme as Christmas is a joyful time. (Okay that is maybe not quite so true. Use your imagination.) There are old fashioned lamps along the road. Why not go the whole hog and have horse and carriages? Hey why not? It IS my vision.
Journal Entry (please do not copy this picture)
I have been looking at some pictures of beautiful ladies posted on here and Fetlife. I am female and I love looking at them but I think I might be seeing them in a different way to other people.
Penises and Testicles
Ok I am a girl and do not have said body parts and they totally fascinate me. I mean you only have to touch a penis a little bit and it starts to swell, poking his head up. I mean the obvious applications of said cock and balls can bring some really intense sexual encounters, but apart from that they are still rather nifty.
Things I should have known about before my first BDSM relationship
It would have been great if I had known these things before starting in my first relationship. I was eighteen at the time. They were learned the hard, painful way and if one person reads this and takes my warnings seriously, it will be worth exposing myself like this.
These are words of advice I sort have chosen for myself to keep me safe. They are simple really but they are mine. Take the time to look at some for yourself.
I am 100% Of Everything
I am taking the test; you know that BDSM test, the one that will shape what people see of me. I am doing the long test and I answering how I feel people would like to see me so I answered I absolutely strongly agree 100%. I am answering that way with all these questions and I even answer 100% to questions I didn’t even understand.
Well I am still riding the glow after my experience of the Switchy kind. I am actually having thoughts of where this can go. I have never embraced a new thing quite as strongly as I have this time. I have images rolling slowly through my mind. I am not going to mention the ideas because, well because Sir reads everything I write here and he loves surprizes.
Labels within B.D.S.M. are common and so very misleading. Take Dominant, everyone knows it is a person that takes control of a sexual encounter and orders a submissive to do anything they want, right? They also dominate out of the bedroom, running the household, right? …Wrong
I thought it time for a new collection of images. I hope you like seeing them as much as I do collecting them. I must apologise if I repeat pictures...
A Moment in Time
Have you ever have a moment in time that seems to hold you there for what seems like an eternity? When everything comes together in one complete, perfect, moment and it rocks your world from the depths right up to the pinnacle
Doing what I said I wouldn’t
If you have read some of my posts you will have read that I have been battling breast cancer. I had a double mastectomy and then new implants and I had my ovaries removed.
A – Z of Sex, My Version
I have seen someone I respect on WordPress has decided to do an A – Z of sexual things. I am going to follow suit but I get a bit slack when it comes to daily posts so I thought I would do them in one go. So here goes…
Click below for older posts.